THE NATIONAL NURSERYMAN 
5°5 
INSPECTOR PERNICIOSUS 
The nursery first became afflicted with Inspector pernic- 
iosus about ten years ago, soon after the appearance of 
Aspidiotus pemiciosus. It is a wingless parasite, which, in 
attempting to destroy the latter, destroys also the tree or 
shrub on which the latter subsists. While the names are 
quite similar there are several points of difference. Of the 
two, Inspector pemiciosus is the more destructive to nursery 
stock, evidently finding it easier to attack the nursery than 
the orchard. Aspidiotus pemiciosus has found the orchard 
and lawn a paradise where it can colonize unhindered, while 
in the nursery it is vigorously assailed by the nurserymen 
with spray, fumes and fire. 
There are other marked differences. Inspector pemicio¬ 
sus are of the male, while aspidiotus pemiciosus are mostly 
of the female sex. This fact has not tended to the extinction 
of the former as we might infer, for both have flourished like 
the green bay tree. That Inspector pemiciosus might live 
and thrive and not be hindered in its attack upon Aspidiotus 
pemiciosus and nursery stock, (nursery stock being rather a 
questionable article anyway), laws were enacted giving it 
such rights and powers over the property of the nurserymen 
as were never before granted to any wingless insect. To 
still further care and provide for this new pemiciosus which 
could not be expected to live on tree-sap and scaly fruit, as 
the aspidiotus does, several thousand dollars are taken each 
year from tree owners and others by a process called taxa¬ 
tion which, after going devious and dubious-w r ays, becomes 
an appropriation. This appropriation is the propeller for 
Inspector pemiciosus, same as wings are for some insects. 
On or before July ist, each year the nurserymen must 
send for the Chief Inspector pemiciosus asking for assistants 
to smell out the other pemiciosus (Aspidiotus by name) on 
said nurseryman’s premises. If the nurseryman grows 
only strawberry plants or asparagus roots, at which Mrs. 
Aspidiotus would stick up her nose, he must send for Inspec¬ 
tor pemiciosus just the same. If Mrs. Aspidiotus is found 
roosting in his apple orchard or hiding in his gooseberry 
patch, the nurseryman cannot sell his strawberry plants or 
asparagus roots until he destroys his apple trees and goose¬ 
berry bushes. Naturally the nurserymen wants to know 
what Mrs. Aspidiotus’ presence in the apple tree has to do 
with selling strawberries and asparagus roots. Mr. Inspec¬ 
tor pemiciosus simply looks wise and doesn’t tell; perhaps 
he can’t. Not long since, the nurseryman was compelled to 
fumigate said strawberries and asparagus roots, but this 
requirement made Mr. Inspector pemiciosus feel so silly 
and ridiculous that he abolished this regulation. 
Another nurseryman is a grower of all kinds of trees, 
shrubs, etc. He has fumigated stocks, scions and buds; 
sprayed sulphur, lime, and fumes, for Mr. Inspector taught 
him a trick or two before he fell from grace. Mrs. Aspidio¬ 
tus has been confined to her house since last fall and the 
nurseryman is willing to take his oath that there is not one 
of her tribe nearer than his neighbor’s apple tree. 
July and August. Assistant Inspectors pemiciosi, A, 
B and C follow the nursery rows, tree by tree, looking with 
eagle eye for the aspidiotus type. Smash! goes a No. i, 
three-quarters inch and up. Pemiciosus A has seen a dis¬ 
colored spot where Mrs. Aspidiotus had rested awhile. 
Crack! goes another twenty-five center, as pemiciosus B 
discovers Miss Aspidiotus just setting up housekeeping. 
To be sure he could have brushed her off her perch and saved 
the tree. Ask him why, and he only looks wise. Snap: 
goes another fine as silk, five to seven footer. Inspector 
pemiciosus C has found half a dozen fly specks which no 
nurserymen could see after he is forty, without a glass. 
Why not spray and kill them? Yes, but smash! crack! 
snap!’s my job. Shoot your nozzle at the blanks we leav^ 
The spray flies and so does the scale. Every breeze 
bears the invisible foe. Time was when the fruit grower 
said a lot of hard things about the nurserymen for selling 
scale with their trees. That was before friend Hale told 
them wfflat a blessing they were getting in disguise. The 
nurseryman knew no better, but the damage was done and 
the nurseryman must be punished. Go it! Inspector 
pemiciosus! We don’t need you in the orchard any more. 
Horticulturists can run their own business. What matter 
if the orchards do infest the nurseries? Didn’t the nurseries 
first infest the orchards? Go it! Inspector pemiciosus! 
Go for the nurseryman! 
October comes and so does the tree buyer. So do 
Assistant Inspectors perniciosi A, B and C. Trees are 
being dug. Make that fumigating house tight; put your 
trees in just so; put “umsteen” ounces of water in this crock 
and add “steen” ounces of acid; drop in this package of 
cyanide, shut the door, slam! slam! sizzle! sizzle! forty 
minutes. That kills all the appidiotus that the inspectors 
Perniciosi overlooked last summer or that may have got on 
since. 
Open up the door; look out! that gas will kill anything, 
even nurserymen. Wait, Mr. Customer, I must have another 
look at those trees. You got scale? Sure, everybody has 
’em. But you must not have these trees (Crack!) until I 
look at them. (Snap! Snap!). Scale dead? Dead as a 
door nail. (Snap! Crack!) These dead scale don’t look 
well. (Snap! Snap!) Hurts the reputation of the nur¬ 
seryman you know (Crack! Crack! Crack!) These dead 
scale would drive away trade. (Snap! Snap! Snap!) 
There, Mr. Customer, you may have what is left. If we 
have overlooked any scale, you can depend upon it that 
they are dead. Find any more, throw them out and charge 
it up to the nurseryman. Smash! Smash! Snap! Snap! 
Crack! Crack! Sizzle! Sizzle! Sizzle! This’s my job. Go it, 
Aspidiotus pemiciosus! Go it, Inspector pemiciosus! Go 
for the nurseryman! W. B. C. 
The above highly colored exploitation of the nursery¬ 
man’s woes due to the presence and function of the nursery 
inspector, while purposely overdrawn, may not be without 
its value in calling the attention of the younger and less 
tactful of the inspecting fraternity to certain essential as¬ 
pects of the case, as seen from the standpoint of the supposed 
free and independent plant grower. It is quite possible, 
and very probable, that in many cases the usefulness of the 
inspector is so affected by his unfortunate bearing as to al¬ 
most completely annul any benefits which should accrue 
from his periodical visitation. A satire of this kind then 
may not be entirely valueless. Ed, 
