The Beigii of Absurdity» 
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r.f the old king^s dethronement. He had 
divided his territory into many provinces, 
uhich were in general ruled by petty 
kings under his direction. Painting, 
Poetry, and Music, were provinces which 
he took under his immediate care, and 
he was assisted in tlie government oT 
them hy Simplicity and Grandeur. Prose 
was governed by Sound Sense, (so 
called to distinguish him from Common 
Sense, a contesnporary lately deceased,) 
Tragedy by Patiios, Comedy by Wit, 
zind many of less consideration by in¬ 
ferior rulers appointed by tiie emperor. 
Absurdity, on Ins accession to the throne, 
made it his first business to destroy or 
banish ail tlie faithful servants of his 
father. Sound Sense was assassinated, 
and his province equally divided between 
Pathos and Frivolity; Pathos was de¬ 
stroyed to make room for Bombast, and 
Wit was banished in favour of Grimace. 
He reserved for himself those states 
which his father liad governed; but, as 
they were now become less considerable, 
he dismissed his assistants. His grand¬ 
father Judgment, in conjunction with 
Candour, liad been appointed overseer of 
all literary works, but this department 
was now given to Malice and Party- 
JSpirit. 
Thus firmly fixed on the throne which 
he had usurped, Absurdity began to 
look around for some additions to his 
empire. Next to his territory lay that 
of Fashion, a powerful and haughty 
ipieen. This empire soon became his, 
for reasons that will be hereafter men- 
f.Eoned. By this addition to his empire, 
he became possessed of the provinces of 
Dress, Furniture, and Amusements. 
The first liad been under the direction 
of Convenience, but was now' trans¬ 
ferred to Foppery, a near relation to the 
new Emperor. The second was given 
r,o Ostentation, who, to secure the favour 
of his sovereign, pretended a great 
affection for the early works of his father, 
^vitli wliich he stocked his province. Fie 
bad however a further view in this; the 
government which lie held had been, 
till it was given to him, under the do¬ 
minion of Comfort, and he wished, as far 
as lay in his power, to vex or even de¬ 
stroy him; and he at last effected it 
hy means of a pow'erful armament of Chi- 
siese and Egyptians. 
The District of Amusements, Ab¬ 
surdity annexed to those wliich were un¬ 
der his own inspection, taking care how¬ 
ever to change all the inferior officers. 
placf iQ Night. Eecreauoa to 
Fatigue, &c.—It may seem strange to 
those who are not versed in state affairs, 
that this vast empiie should immediately 
submit to Absurdity; the reason was 
this—the Prime Minister of Fashion was 
Novelty, who felt it his duty to receive 
the new king with every mark of satis¬ 
faction and pleasure, and to persuade 
the people (with wliom he was a great 
favourite) that it would be much for 
their interest to become liis subjects. 
They readily acquiesced, having beeix 
instructed by him, that whatever was 
?i€w must be delightfuL 
To render tins acquisition permanent. 
Absurdity married Fashion, and they 
have ever since manifested that they are 
indeed (me. Absurdity, finding himself 
so strong, determined to make an attack 
upon tlie empire of Religion. This> 
■ empire was divided into two parts, Hea¬ 
thenism and Christianity. The first of 
which (as I sliould have before stated) 
he inherited by right of his mother, con¬ 
sequently his arms were directed solely 
against Christianity. Tliis part of the 
empire w'as divided into four provinces,* 
which were respectively governed by 
Superstition, Fanaticism, Hypocrisy, and 
Sincerity. Thinking that this would be 
a great enterprize and worthy of all liia 
exertions, Absurdity summoned all his 
subjects, wlio were capable of bearing 
arms, to assemble round his standard. 
These he committed to the care of two 
experienced generals—-Persecution and 
Ridicule. Thus headed, this powerful 
army inarched forward to the attack.— 
Superstition (being previously much in¬ 
clined to his mother) first fell into the 
liands of Absurdity; in fact, without any 
hostility, he submitted on this condition- 
lie was to svvear allegiance to Absurdity ; 
and, in return, Persecution and his forces 
were to be delivered into his hands, and 
employed in his service. 
On the first report that Persecution 
had entered the country, the subjects of 
Hypocrisy assembled in great numbers, 
and, not doubting that lie would be sub¬ 
dued before he reached them, manfully 
swore that they would lose their lives 
rather than suffer the empire of Religion 
to be subverted. When how'ever they 
saw Persecution at the head of his troops, 
their courage failed; they fied from the 
contest, and were not heard of until tliey 
again appeared to join the victorious 
party. Their neighbours, the subjects 
of Fanaticism, gave this general a very 
different reception—far from avoiding 
him, they embraced him as a friend, yet 
1 witii 
