i6 
LAND & WATER 
February 22, 1917 
regiment. But he has never given us any plate for the 
mess." 
He proceeded to inform me that his was an East 
Prussian family, and that from father to son it had 
furnished an officer to the same regiment since the Thirty 
Years War. Also that his grandfather had been at 
Waterloo with Bliicher. Then we went for a walk. 
" Do you drink ? " he said. He had noticed that I 
had been abstemious at dinner overnight. And, when I 
come to think of it, he seemed to notice everything. 
" Not much," I said. 
" Ah ! " he rephed, " then you are not an officer ? " 
This puzzled me. " No, not yet, but why ? " 
" No man can make a good officer, unless he gets 
drunk sometimes," he affirmed. 
I ventured to dispute this. " An officer who gets dnmk 
on active service in the British army is cashiered," I 
explained. 
" Donnerwetter ! That's why you have such a bad 
army," he retorted. " One must get drunk or one gets 
soft. And eat ! Look how I oat ! " 
I had looked. He worried a bone like a hon at the 
Zoo. 
Perhaps he divined my train of thought. " We 
Germans-^we do not believe in carrving table-manners 
too far. We believe in hardening (ab-hdrden) ourselves. 
We are not hke the French — Bah ! " 
He hked this word Ab-hardcn " and used it often. 
" There's my boy for instance." This was the first and 
only hint I ever had that he was married ; he never so 
much as mentioned his wife — " I have to beat him 
— regularly, once a month. Just a touch of the belt 
you know." 
V" But is he very troublesome ? " I asked. 
" Troublesome ! " he said, in astonishment. " Trouble- 
some ! Ach ! nein, if he troubled me, I'd trouble him." 
" Why thrash him then ? " I asked. 
He seemed astonished at my stupidity. " To harden 
him, of course," he said. " Himmel ! what for else ? " 
He digressed to the subject of women. Every 
man, he informed me, should make a conquest — he 
was not delicate about disguising what he meant — 
of as many women as possible. It " hardened " him. 
Every woman, he opined, could be subjugated sooner 
ov later. There was the pretty merchant's wife, he said, 
dreamily, a nice little piece of goods, " Ja? " 
But at this I turned the conversation and we ended on 
a somewhat heated dispute as to whether Wellington or 
Blucher won the battle of Waterloo. 
In the afternoon, when the guests were taking coffee 
and Schlagsahne on the verandah, the two children of 
Herr Doktor invited me to play with them. One of 
them proposed a jumping bout. At the long iump 
I did not do so badly— the guests applauded languidly. 
At this the Lieutenant left his place by the side of the 
merchant's wife and offered to jump against me. He 
was very heavily built and at the first go off I beat him 
by about eighteen inches. At this he threw off his 
coat and jumped again ,\this time reducing my advantage 
to about a foot. I took a long run and tucking my feet 
under mp as I sprang I beat his new mark by eighteen 
inches. Each jump was marked by a bit of paper 
stuck in the grass with a stick. My attention was 
momentarily distracted by one of the children, and as I 
turned round again I saw Herr Leutnant surreptitiously 
moving my own record back with his hand. 
At that I put on my coat and refused to jump any 
more. The Lieutenant noisily proclaimed that I had 
retired to avoid defeat, and the whole verandah, who 
had been following everything with eager attention, 
applauded his victory. 
Perhaps he was not altogether satisfied, for that night 
at dinner he threw out a conversational challenge which 
was obviously meant for me, as I was the only English- 
man present. The Enghsh Army, he declared, had never 
won a battle. Oh, yes ! they had mown down Matabele 
and Dervishes with Ma.vim guns, but on the Continent- 
No ! Blenheim and Ramillies came into rny mind and 
I uttered them. He dismissed them with a wave of 
his soup-spoon — they were won by Allies (" Verbundeten"). 
To Talavera, Badajos, Ciudad Rodrigo the Lieutenant's 
answer was the same, " Die Verbundeten." Whenever 
he repeated these words the whole table clapped their 
hands, nodded at each other like clock-work dolls, and 
shouted "/«.' /rt / Die. Verbundeten." They continued 
to shout these words at intervals as though they were 
" Great is Diana of the Ephesians." 
.'Vfter the tumult had subsided 1 said quietly, " And 
I suppose, Herr Leutnant, you will also say that wo 
have never won a battle at sea. No ? " 
The Lieutenant parried : " You have never beaten the 
German Navy," lie said pugnaciously. And the Babel 
broke out afresh. Heated with wine and food the guests 
brandished their knives and forks like knuckle-dusters. 
But Herr Dokter Gothein, who had taken no part in 
the conversation, and was watching me the whole time 
with his shrewd Jewish eyes from under their half-moon 
lids, here intervened. He had English people among 
his clientele from time to time and perhaps he thought 
things were going too far. So he rose hastily and said, 
" Mahlzeit." Then they all rose also and with a chorus 
of " Mahlzeit ! " " Mahlzeit," they tricked out into the 
verandah. 
The next day the lady's husband, who had business in 
Munich which would keep him away for several days, de- 
parted for the station. The Lieutenant offered to see 
him off, at which he was greatly pleased, and together they 
strolled down the hill to the station. 
" Ach ! now we shall see some f un " said the guests 
to one another as they watched the retreating figures. 
My Badmann as he prepared my pine bath that 
morning and laid out the towels, speculated freely on 
the Lieutenant's siege of the lady as to the issue of 
which he had no doubt. But finding me in no mood 
for such pleasantries, he began talking Virgil. He 
knew the larger part of the sixth book of the .Eneid by 
heart. An odd man, that Badmann ! You would 
hardly expect an English bath attendant to recite 
Virgihan hexameters. He knew England well, too — some 
parts of it, Sheerness, Portsmouth, Devonport, better 
than I knew them myself. 
That night the Lieutenant resumed his siege of the 
lady — this time without any armistice. But she seemed 
to hesitate and I observed some coolness between them. 
Thereupon the Lieutenant devoted himself to a fat 
Hausjrau on the other side of his chair, and left the 
merchant's wife severely alone. Her solitude became so 
marked as to be distressing. The men were afraid to 
speak to her for fear of the Lieutenant. The womeri, 
who had hitherto fawned on her, now showed her their 
cold displeasure, feeling, doubtless, that she was dethroned 
and giving vent to the fehne jealousy that ravaged 
them. She retired early in a state of obvious distress. 
The next day there was still a. coolness. The Lieutenant 
despatched a telegram. 
Two days later a large parcel arrived after dinner 
for the Lieutenant and was taken up to his room. In the 
morning we were all sitting at our informal breakfast 
in the dining-room when the door' opened and the 
Lieutenant appeared, gorgeous in a Hussar uniform of 
sky-blue with white facings and Hessian boots. A long 
intonation of " Ah-h-h " went round the room as he 
sat down and called imperiously for his " Brodchen " 
and coffee. All eyes were fixed on the merchant's 
wife. She raised her eyes to the Lieutenant, lowered 
them, and blushed deeply. 
.That night the lady retired early. So did the Lieutenant. 
Whereat the guests sniggered " among themselves and 
seemed to be mightily amused. 
* Ik « * * 
You may not like this story. Neither do I, and I like 
it the less because it happens to be true. 
" Seven Day's Leave," which has just been produced at 
the I.-yceum Theatre, is generally regarded as the finest 
melodrama- which has been staged in London in recent years. 
There is a note in the writing of it which attains at times true 
eloquence, and the incidents, whicii are many and exciting, 
carry conviction. The great scene is the sinking of a U boat, 
which arouses immense enthusiasm. It is a melodrama, 
which even those superior persons who affect to despise this 
form of stagecraft would find pleasure in, for the acting 
throughout is first-rate. Miss .^nnie Saker, the heroine, Mr. 
Alfred Paumier, the British officer on leave, and Mr. Leslie 
Carter being especially admirable. But the whole company 
is greatly above the average ; they work so well together. 
It is good to hear the applause at the end of the acts, so 
wholehearted and enthusiastic is it. 
