March 15, 1917 
LAND & WATER 
A Perfect Day 
By an O.T.C. Recruit 
17 
THE most popular tune in the canteen or in the 
Y.M.C.A. or the billet, or wherever there is a 
piano, is " At the End of a Perfect Day," and 
men sing it as though they really felt it — at the 
end of the kind of day that in civil life would have been 
thought " the devil's own " perfection. 
It won't be imtil about- the third day after your enlist- 
ment that the day becomes " perfect," for the hrst day 
is amphibian — between the ci\-il and the military — and 
the second transitory. 
In the O.T.C. one is a Tommy in all outward appear- 
ance, until such time as it pleases the gods to call one to 
the cadet school — a matter of two to three months — or 
at nights, when one is permitted to slip into a Burberry. 
As to the Cadet — he ot the white hat-band — he is quite 
the proudest thing in the King's uniform. His pride as 
he passes by on the other side that he is not as that publi- 
can the recruit, excecdeth that of a thousand Levites. 
The second day, as I said, is bewildering. One is not 
yet the complete recruit, because wearing only the belt, 
without its attendant shoulder-straps and bayonet. But 
the third day, the day which is called perfect, all must 
be well and complefe, or trouble will befall. 
It is opened by a great offensive on the part of the five 
and sixpenny alarum — an emergence from bed, a cold 
water shave, a blasphemous interlude with puttees, 
mitigated by one consolation only — in the army you 
don't wear collars. 
Then, in the dark, you descend the staircase, crash the 
muzzle of your rifle against the hall gas-bracket, and 
tramp out into the street. Does it rain or snow,' sleet or 
hail ? For yourself n'importe ! Your overcoat is ade- 
quate and your cap don't matter. But for your rifle, 
it is perdition ! Rust, that's what it means, "just rust, 
and mere confounded cleaning after breakfast. 
. Breakfast parade, precluded by a standabout and a 
smoke and a chat with anybody, and off we march " at 
ease " to our mess sheds. As we enter, the cheerful sight 
of our very own camp bookstall with the ])lacards and all 
the leading papers, whcrefrom we know the news of the 
day at least an hour before you lazy " too-late " Lon- 
doners have got out of bed. 
Breakfast. Problem : Who's Mess Orderly ? Is he at 
your end of the section, or at the other end ? If the 
former, you will have an early whack "at the rations, if 
the latter, a late wash-out. Is it Smifhers, who has (he 
instinct of a waiter or Blithers who has those of a food hog ; 
one who serves others or himself alone ? Who fills your 
coffee or tea cup and helps you to butter, or lets you shift 
for yourself ? 
Half an ho.ur to look at the paper, wherefore the paper 
we look at is that which gives us the quickest knowledge 
and the . easiest-digested opinions. Then first morning 
parade. It begins after " fall in " by " Inspection," 
which means that your Instructor passes down the squad 
with a critical eye that tells him all about you in sur- 
prisingly short time, whether you have shaved, and if so 
how, ditto cleaned your buttons, belt, bayonet and 
boots : whether " harness " is clean and properly strapped, 
and whether your hair is due for another crop. Lastly, 
" For Inspection, Port Arms "—a proceeding that carries 
with it the possibilities of a visit to Cie orderly room. 
Squad Drill ! Off you march. Is it misty ? Good ! 
That lowers the visibility of the Sergeant Major and the 
Subalterns, though not necessarily (if he's about) that 
of the Commanding Officer, the eyes of whom seem all- 
seeing. Is it cold ? That means plenty of " doubling " 
—the very devil, if the Sergeant Major decides to conduct 
it in person, but less " manual"— (that is, rifle drill), 
which is good. For "manual" isn't enjoyable. They 
expect you to treat your rifle with a familiarity that the 
rifle resents, and shows it by causing the backsight to tear 
the skin of your hands as you "slope" or " trail " from 
the " order." 
Much squad drill, and nianual and bayonet-fixing Jnd 
piling of arms and the whistle goes. '' Break off and 
parade for musketry at ten o'clock." 
Musketry! You stand round your instructor and 
" stand load " and " take aim " and are judged according 
to your choice of positions. If you can shoot, you can 
shoot ; if you can't, you can't. Everybody knows that, 
and in ci\il life, you decline the invitation and play golf. 
But in the Army they don't allow you the alternative. 
No matter what your Army objective, be it machine 
guns or artillery, or tanks, or A.S.C., or red-tabs in White- 
hall, you must know musketry, even though you never 
have to kill, or even to set eyes on an individual. 
Eleven fifteen — Break off and parade again at a cjuarter 
to twelve. A joyous cup of coffee, or tea or Oxo, or 
Malted Milk, with buns, and a cigarette, in the Y.M.C.A. 
hut, and the back of the morning is broken. An hour 
more of squad drill, then lunch. 
Lun^h isn't a " parade." It's an informal business. 
Is there soup ? Perhaps. Cold meat ? Maybe ! Cheese ? 
Who knows ? A studied air of insouciance prevails at the 
serving counter. But if you really want lunch, you can 
always go and get a plate or plates of the most desirable of 
eatables from the canteen at a price that is " jest 
rideeclous." 
Two o'clock. " PhysiceJ Jerks." You pass from the 
Drill Sergeant to the " Gym." instructor, altogether a, 
different genus. He is lithe of limb and his object is to 
impart litheness to yours. He is a pleasanter fellow than 
his drill brother, has a way with' him and a pretty wit. 
Bayonet practice ! A little frightfulness must be got 
into our systems, as we " on guard " " in " and " out " 
with orders to glare and grind our teeth and grunt in 
imaginary hatred of the mild-looking solicitor or civil 
servant who happens to be our vis-a-vis. 
Four o'clock. Tea and Freedom — unless there's night 
operations, a lecture, or a boxing tournament. The 
lecture may be on something dry, such as Squad Drill or 
Musketry, something instructive such as " Night Ops," 
or it may be something quite thrilling such as the Regi- 
mental Sergeant Major on Discipline as he understands 
it, after having been twenty years in the Scots Guards, 
and don't you forget it ! 
Then Mess and — the end of the Perfect Day ! (save for 
the cleaning and manual reading — and letter writing that 
is to be done in the billet.) All I can say is that I have 
spent in my previous " leisured " life-time thousands of 
days, infinitely further from perfection. At the end of a 
day in the O.T.C. (provided you have been reasonably 
lucky), you experience the joys of rest as never in civil 
life. There's been so much more to rest after. 
THE WESTERN ARMIES 
Number of " Land & Water " 
On Thursday, zqth inst., a special illustrated 
number of Land & Water will be published en- 
titled " The Western Armies," in order to signalise 
the close union now existing between France and 
Great Britain on the Western front. Among the 
famous French ivriters 'who will contribute to it are 
M. Maurice Barres, Professor Henri Bidoux, 
M. Rene Puaux ■ {on the staff of General Foch) 
and M. Henri Davray. It will contain remark- 
able sketches that have appeared in Paris journals 
by Forain and " Sem," as ivell as original photo- 
graphs taken on the French Front. 
Tn addition to the usual features o/Land & Water 
there ivill be a special article by Hilaire Belloc, 
dealing ivith the basis of the Alliance, an article 
on the rise of the Entente Cordiale by Dr. Holland 
Rose, a complete story by Joseph Conrad, and 
another story by "Centurion" entitled "The Attack." 
The price of the special number will be 1 s. In 
order to secure a copy an order should be placed at 
once with a newsagent. 
