16 
LAND & WATER 
June 28, 1917 
The Charity that Continued Abroad 
By Stephen McKenna 
I 
T!IOUr,HT it was a Foreign OBiro bap: wlien-yoii 
hanclt'd it ovor so carefully to the Captain," said tho 
Thirsty-LtMikinf; Man. 
Souring experience had taught tlie Kind's Messenger 
to discourage intimate discussion of official business with 
chance smoke-room acquaintances 1 
■' Oh, er, yes," he simpered ; adding, with excessive serious- 
ness, " Gad, I've left my cigarette-case in my cabin." 
As he hiirried away, the Thirsty- Looking Man gave a 
practised backward jerk of the head. 
' Try one of these," he drawled, slowly producing a case ; 
and. wlien the King's Messenger for very politeness accepted 
a straight-cut, with the mental reser\'ation that he had for- 
gotten to order China tea in the morning. !' 1 was in the 
l-.O. myself one time,'.', (and, allusively) : 
" To save our injured feelings, 
' i anil time to go ; 
lieh ' ... : (-k anil Dartmoor, 
Ahcatrfay — Callao. 
The King's Messenger resumed his seat and touclicd the 
belt. .. 
'■ Thanks, thanfaf "-sjGd the Thirsty-Looking Man. with a 
regretful shake of the head. "" liet\vecn meals — Are you 
havipg one yourself ?; Well, , I really, can't let you drink 
alone. Hacardy cocktail, plea.se." 'He leaned back and 
exhaled cigaretfb-smoke from his ivose, as from the. nose of 
one who has effected a successful coup. " Yes, I was in the 
l-'oreign Office at one time," he repeated. "^ And now." 
lie laughed without bitterness. ' My own name wouldn't 
convey anything to you, but I wonder if you know Sir Charles 
guantock? " ' . ---^ ■ 
"Our Ambassador at ? " asked the King's Messeryger. 
The Thirsty-Looking Man drained Ins cocktail at a gdlp. 
" That's theiboy" he as.severated. " You're nf)f a son or 
nephew ? " I^o ? K«jer met him, even '? Well, no more have 
I, if it comes toftiat. though we've made a' connection, as the 
Americans say," lie raised" his glass, observed that it was 
empty, held it aloft absent-mindedly until- the King's 
Messenger also had observed that it was "empty, then spiritedly 
resumed. his monologue. - - '■.•-:.'. *»■ 
■■ My name's l^rsims," he volunteered, "and I'm no re- 
lation of Parson's.^t0res in Kegenj; Street, not even.a deben- 
ture-holder. Parsorus!" He. hiccoughed and apologised 
sirnultaneously. " What's in a name ? " 
The Kings Messenger became non-committal. " There's 
a great deal in that," he said gravely. 
■ \nu bet there is. If my name had been Smith or Brown. 
I might have Jieen Undcr-Secrstary by now. You wouldn't 
care to hear the stoFj', I suppose ?" 
The King's Messenger liailed a passing steward and held 
up two fingers. 
'■ If it's not reviving piiinful memories," he said. 
The Thirsty-Ijinking Man laughed ■ mirthlessly and sat 
silent until the second cocktail had.ap])eared. 
" I was in the War Department at the time,". Ife explained. 
" and one day a letter was brought me from Pekin. It had 
come, by bag. and it took me some time to get the hang of it. 
■ (lentlemti),' I remember it began. ' 1 enclose order for a 
further twelve dozen bottles and six dozen, pifitg of your 
Family Champqgnc at 24s. (twent^vjour .shillings)** dozen. 
1 take this opportunity of .pointing out that you made a 
mistake over the last order and sent me your High Class 
Champagne at 30s. a dozen. As the mistake was entirely 
your own fault, 4 have no intention of payir^j the differ- 
ence and must ask you to be more careful in future. — 
Yours faithfully, Kllen Ouantock." " 
The Thirsty-Looking Man paused until the King's Messenger 
had rung the bell again. 
• I was flummoxed for a time," he resumed. " Then I 
saw that the letter was not for me at all ; it was for John 
Parsons. Limited, the big Regent Street grocers, and the" man 
who had distributed the bag had .sent it to me by mistake. 
I put the letter in a new envelope, sent it off and thought no 
more of it for, 1 suppose, six months. Then Charlie Starman 
called on me. He was passing through London from The 
Hague on liis way to take charge at Pekin. We got talking 
abou Pekin and the Ouantocks. and, remembering the letter 
1 had seen, 1 felt it was onlv charitable to warn Charlie in 
confidence that he'd better call for whisky and soda if Lady 
Ouantock tried him with the Family Champagne at 24s. a 
rlozen. He thanked me and said good-bye^ and thereafter 
1 never gave another thought to Charlie or the . Ouantocks 
or their champagne until I read iii the Times a year or two 
later that Hilda Ouantock, the daughter, was marr>-ing 
Leonard Phipps, who'd met her in Pekin before he was "sent 
as First Secretary in the American Embissy in London. I 
knew Phipps and half thought of warning him, as I'd warned 
<"harlie Starman, but it wouldn't have been the thing to 
})reiudice a man against his father-in-law's cellar -that's 
one of the risks of matrimony — and I left him to his fate." 
The Thirsty- Looking Man picked up his empty glass. Imt 
as the King's Messenger refused to look, he sighed and went 
on with his narrative. 
" According to Phipps' story," he said, " there, were other 
people less tactful or more charitable, and he'd not been 
half an hour in the P.O., saying good-bye, before nine in .n 
had warned him aganist Ouantock's champagne. The lilt- 
man started it, a messenger carried on, and members of every 
department hurried into my room, one after anothef, to repeat 
the warning. 
What's the mailer with the champagne? ' Phipps asked. 
I've never tasted it,' I said, as I showed him to the door. 
" From that moment there was an epidemic of warnings. 
Phipps was to be married in I'ekin and, being a bit run down, 
went the long way, by boat. When the Benares got in, the 
Ouantocks could not meet him but an attache went down and 
introduced hiriiself. They had a little general conversation 
on their way to the Legati.on, and at the end of it the attache 
started in to say that he wasn't a judge of wine himself, but he 
had been given to understand, and tfie rest of it." 
The Thirsty-Looking Man was seized with a painful (it of 
cougliing. " Throat gets so dry, talking," he gasped. The 
-King's Messenger con.siderately poured him out a glass of 
water, only to have it waved almast reproachfully away. 
" Better now," panted the Thirsty- Looking Man with an 
effort. " Let me see, where had I got to ? Oh, about Phijips 
arriving in Pekin. Yes. Well, I told you that the Ouantocks 
couldn't meet the boat ; they weren't due back at the Legation 
till the evening, so that Attache trotted his charge round to 
the Club and left him there, promising to call for hiria in time 
to dress for dinner. , Phipp.s yawned the afternotm away, 
counting the hours till he could see his bride-elect and wonder- 
ing what sort of fellow his father-in-laW would turn out to be. 
Quantock had been away sick when Phipps was in Pekin 
before, and the two had never met. Five o'clock came, and 
Phipps had a peg. Six o'clock, and he had a cock tail. By 
seven tliere was still no sign of the Attache, and Phipps decided 
to stroll back alone. The party he'd been sitting with broKe 
up at that moment, and a quiet, insignificant little fellow 
asked Phipps if he could give him a lift. 
Which way are you going ?' Phipp.^ asked. 
The British Legation,' answered the other. 
Oh, I'll cjm: along too, if I may.' said Phipps. " You're 
dining there by any chance, are you ? ' 
" The quiet little man looked a bit surprised. 
I am,' he said. ' Why ? ' 
" '. Well, one good turn deserves another,' said Phipps from 
his corner of the carriage. ' I'm given to understand tiiat 
the Minister's champagne is a thing to avoid ! ' 
That's very interesting,' said the (juict little n\an. 
' As a matter of fact, 1 never drink champagne myself, but 
my wife would be interested to hear what you say. She 
orders all the wine for the Legation.' 
" Poor Phipps had the worst five seconds of his life. 
" ' Yau're not the Minister, are you ? ' he asked. 
" ' I am,' said the quiet little man. ' Let me see, ' 
met before? ' 
"'My name is Leonard Phipp.s,' was the answer. 'No, 
this is our first meeting.' " 
The Thirsty I.X)oking Man then gathered himself together 
for departure. 
"That's the story," he said, with a hiccough. "Lady 
Quantock was considerably annoyed to find the world-wide 
reputation of her champagne and made Phipps turn King's 
evidence. The trail was followed through Charlie Starman 
and up to me. There was considerable unpleasantness at the 
Foreign Office, and a general feeling that, even if I hadn't 
opened other people's letters, I'd behaved very indiscreetly. 
So I cleared out. Good-night." 
• ■ * • '♦ • * 
The King's Messenger sat musing on the mutability of 
human affairs. The Thirsty-Looking Man crossed" the 
smoke-room and sat down beside a young officer. 
" Excuse me, but may 1 a,sk. you'if you ever had an elder 
brother m the Rifle Brigade? " he began. "No? That's 
curious— such a striking resemblance. I was in the army 
myself once ; and I'll make no bones about it ; I was aske'd 
to send m my papers. I suppose vou wouldn't care to hear 
the story? Thanks, on my honour never between meals. 
. . . n ell, if you're really having one yourseU." . . . 
, have we 
' 
