August 23, 1917 
LAND & WATER 
II 
cool church, the orderly life of a religious conununity, the 
utter absence of anything connected with war and its tumults. 
The Fathers belonged to the Alsatian Missionary Congregatioh 
of the Holy Spirit^ and, though technically Geman subjects, 
their French sympathies had been generously recognised by 
the military authorities, and they had been left undisturbed 
by the terrors of deportation. All the Catholic Missions in 
the Xorth of German East belonged to this Congregation, 
and I only heard of one case in which recognition was refused. 
On retiu-ning to camp that evening, I reached the market 
square of Morogoro just at the termination of a public (*cecu- 
tion. A negro had been caught attempting to loot the house 
of a German lady, and had at once been tried and sentenced. 
He was shot against his own dwelling, and the story went that 
his only comment on the situation was that it would damage 
the wall a good deal. That was, I believe, the only case in 
which it was found necessarj' to inflict the extreme penalty. 
I got back to camp laden with fruit and vegetables from the 
Mission garden, feeling that I had deserved well of the mess. 
And there I learnt that we were under orders to march at 
eight o'clock the following morning. Of what avail were 
oranges and even European (not sweet) potatoes in face of 
such a visitation ! "Put not your trust in anything whatever 
the Staff may tell you, especially when it refers to rest camps." 
The A. P. M. again 
By Centurion 
WHEN the A. P.M. got his transfer from the Home 
Command to a Base overseas, he began to feel 
better. The affair of the signalHng-party had 
undoubtedh' been ^ " wash-out," but he com- 
forted himself with the thought that just as a dog is allowed 
in law one bite, so an A. P.M. may be indulged to the extent 
of one mistake. It is true that after one bite a dog is pre- 
sumed in law to be ferocious, and on the same reasoning after 
one mistake an A. P.M. may be written down an ass. This, 
however, does not follow. The .\.P.M. felt that he might yet 
achieve a great " .stunt " and, achieving it, become A. P.M. to 
a division. Obviously the first thing was to profit by his 
chastening experience, and he made several good resolutions. 
One of these was to abandon the Inductive Method as an 
instrument of detective work. By a very natural mental 
revulsion he decided to adopt the Deductive Method. This, 
as ever\'one knows, consists in beginning with a generalisa- 
tion instead of ending with one. Now you can, within certain 
limits, generalise about men, but you can never generalise 
about women. M'oman will be the last thing to be rationalised 
by man. The A. P.M. did not know this. 
A Base is a very peculiar place. The unfortunate officer 
whose lot it is to act as A.P.M. has to serve two masters— 
the Base Commandant and the P.M. to the L. of C, 
which being interpreted means Provost Marshal to 
tJie Lines of Communication, and there is scriptural 
authority for saying it is difficult to serve two masters. He 
has also to keep on good terms with the representatives of 
the national government who are many and various, both 
civil and military, such as the head of the Mission (who is not 
an evangelist), the prefect, the commissaire de police, the 
procnreur de la Republique and the interpreter. They are 
very fond of coming to pass the time of the day with him. 
When one of them doesHhis, you must never ask his business, 
for that would be too obvious a hint that you want to get 
on with your own. You must first ask after the health of his 
ox, his ass, his man-ser\ant and his maid-servant. He will 
probably volunteer the information in any case, and though 
it takes time you will, if you are wise, forbear to interrupt him 
— it is quicker in the end. 
An A.P.M. must also be on his guard against strangers. 
For strangers flock round a Base like flies round a honey- 
pot, demanding red passes or camels d'etranger, which arc a 
kind of ticket-of- leave giving them licence to residfe sO long 
as they are of good behaviour. The A.P.M., Before he 
endorses their' papers for the commissaire de police, must 
satisfy himself that they are " inspected and thoroughly 
recommended." He has to tell at a glance the difference 
between a joy-rider and a war-worker — a difference which has 
puzzled many people. He has to be well up in comparative 
religion, for he has to deal with the clergy and ministers of 
all denominations. He must know Burke's Peerage almost 
as well as the Army List, for " army followers " often claim to 
be and sometimes are of ennobled blood, and there be some 
that have entertained duchesses unawares. Your old-time 
n'anditre had not where to lay her head ; to-day, she has a 
house in Mavfair — which does not make her any easier to 
(leal with. If the A.P.M. sees an officer with a lady who is 
the officer's wife, he sends her home by the next leave-boat ; 
if she is not his wife, he looks the other way. For at the 
Base there is neither marrying nor giving in marriage, and 
officers' wives are discouraged for fear their husbands may 
get too fond of them. 
Then there are the Women Auxiliaries ; if he sees one 
passing the time of day with an officer, he parts them vio- 
lently, but if it's a soldier he gives them a benediction. 
Also he has to be on the look-out for " sick " officers, whose 
lusty convalescence is apt to take the form of breaking out of 
bounds. 
From all of this it will be observed that an A.P.M. at a 
Base has to know men well but women better. It is a 
harassing life. 
Now one bright day the A.P.M. was walking up and down 
the Rue de la Paix seeking whom he might devour, which is 
a way A.P.M.'s have. And he was in a voracious mood. 
He had had a trying morning. An Anglican Bishop 
had been trying to persuade him to endorse an applica- 
tion to the G.O.C. for a permit to go up to the Front, 
in order that he might write letters to the Times headed 
" In the Field," and garnished with references to " our 
gallant lads," which is always a good diocesan " stunt " ; 
a merry widow had attempted to seduce him into 'giving her 
a blue pass for her Rolls-Royce to carry " comforts " to staff- 
officers, and had tried to impress him with her distinguished 
connections ; a war-worker had practised a fainting-fit on 
him in his office to convince him that her health required a 
relaxation of the four months' rule of residence. As a result 
of all this the A.P.M. was feeling cynical. A high-heeled, 
high-stepping, full-bosomed demoiselle gave him a blithe 
look as he passed out, but he ignored her. He was feeling 
rather " fed-up " with women. Having cooled his brow by 
taking the air he returned to his oflice and found awaiting him 
—a woman. 
" Show her in," he said to the orderly impatiently. 
A woman, young, pleasing and plausible, entered and said : 
" Bonfour, monsieur le Colonel." The A.P.M. was only a 
captain and such obvious flattery at once put him on his 
guard, l^is quick eye noted that her knitted coat, though 
smartly designed, was only mercerised silk, he appraised 
her" bracelet at 9-carat, and decided that her heels were too 
high, her skirt ready-made, and her gloves one franc fifty. 
" A demoiselle de magasin," he said to himself knowingly, and 
then aloud : " Your business, madame ? " as he offered her 
a chair. 
Her tale was lamentable. She had cashed a cheque for an 
English officer, and it had been dishonoured. "The name 
of the drawer was fictitious. Her employers had 
demanded that she should make it good. Now for an 
officer to utter a dud cheque is bad enough in England,|but it 
is worse in France — for obvious reasons. And such things 
do happen. In the old Army they never happened, and the 
cheque of an English officer was as good as a Bank of England 
note. But to-day when you have, at a rough estimate, be- 
tween one and two hundred thousand officers drawn from 
all classes of society, some of them possessing cheque-books 
for the first time in their lives, and under the pleasing im- 
pression that Mr. Cox's bounty is like manna in the wilder- 
ness in that it can never fail — well, accidents happen. The 
career of such officers is both brief and inglorious, and generally 
ends in a G.C.M. before which the charge-sheet impales them 
on the horns of the implacable dilemma of section 16 of the 
Army Act as " well knowing " that they had no funds_ or of 
section 40 as " having nq reasonable grounds " to suppose 
that they had any. It is not a pleasant job laying such as 
these by the heels, but the A.P.M. had the professional instinct 
for a good case. Also he felt a righteous anger. 
" The scoundrel ! " he said sympathetically. 
" Pas du tout. You have no right to say that, monsieur," 
retorted the lady. 
The A.P.M. was surprised. If he had known a little more 
of women he would have guessed something. As it was he 
merely pondered on the perversity of the sex. He asked for 
details. The lady was distressingly vague. She did not know 
the officer's name, nor his regiment, nor his rank. But he 
was very good-looking — would that be sufficient ? 
The A.P.M., with a glance at the mirror over the mantel- 
piece, reminded her that there were other officers who might 
answer to that description. The lady then volunteered the 
