November i, 1917 
LAND & WATER 
15 
" It had that mysterious, almost miraculous, power of pro- 
ducing striking effects by means impossible of detection, which 
is the last word of the highest art." 
Conrad conceals his astonishing invention under many dis- 
guises. What has seemed to some to be untidy in const ijuction 
will be found to be a mere matter of subtlety, a skilful arresting 
of the attention, a diverting of it by a new interest thrust in 
sideways. Lord Jim is a model of intelliji^ent disarray. 
In the strict sense Conrad is not a novelist ; he writes by in- 
stinct. And his art is unlike the art of every other novelist. 
For instance, Meredith or Stendhal make great things out of 
surface material ; they give us life through its accidents, one 
brilliantly, the other with scrupulous care. Conrad uses 
detail as illustrations of his ideas, as veils of life, not as any 
essential part of it. The illusion to him is more real than the 
facts ; and when he deals with the low or trivial, with Mr. 
Verloc's dubious shop in the back street, it is always a symbol. 
In the " simple tale " of The Secret Agent, which is a story of 
horror, in our London of to-day, the central motive is the same 
as that of the other romances : memory as Nemesis. The 
man comes to his death because he cannot get a visible fear 
out of his eyes ; and the woman kills him because she cannot get 
a more terrible, more actual thing, which she has not seen, 
but which has been thrust into her brain, out of her eyes. 
■'That particular fiend " drives him into a cruel blunder and 
her into a madness, a murder, a suicide, which combine into 
one chain, link after link, inevitably. 
The whole question depends upon whether the materia 
horror surpasses that horror of the soul which is never absent 
from It ; whether the dreadful picture of the woman's hand 
holding the car\'ing-knife seen reflected on the ceihng by the 
husband in the last conscious moment before death, is more 
evident to us than the man's sluggish acquiescence in his crime 
and the woman's slow intoxication by memory into a crime 
more direct and perhaps more excusable. It seems, wliile 
you are reading it, impossible that the intellect should over- 
come the pang given to the senses ; and yet, on reflection, 
there is the same mind seen at work, more ruthlessly, more 
despairingly than ever, turning the soul inside out. in the out- 
wardly " respectable " couple who commit murder, because 
they ■' refrained from going to the bottom of facts and motives." 
Conrad has made a horrible, forgiveable, admirable work of art 
out of a bright tin can, a befouled shovel, and a stained carv- 
ing knife. 
The Guest Night 
By EtieHne 
THE long-expected news had come, and small groups 
of officers were discussing it in the smoking-room. 
The Commander was leaving us. For three years 
he had been in the ship — longer in fact than any 
other officer in the mess — and now he was going. 
Though hard things had been said about him by his mess- 
mates, and though his departure had been openly prayed for 
by nearly everyone at some time or other, these expressions 
and sentiments had always been made in the heat of the 
moment, and are probably commonly said and thought of 
every Commander there has been, or ever will be, in the 
service. For by the nature of his position it is impossible for 
a Commander not to make himself unpopular at times — unless 
he is a " Popularity Jadk," than which there is no more 
damnable person. 
But when the various rumours as to our Commander's 
departure, which had been floating round the ship, crystallised 
into naked facts, the ward-room olficers of H.M.S. 
realised that they were not only about to lose a first-class 
Commander, but also a verj- charming messmate. It was 
unanimously decided that he should be dined by the mess, 
with all pomp and honour. 
The decision once made, the mess committee— otherwise 
known as " the civic fathers " — went into consultation with 
the admiral's staff as to which day during the coming week 
the ship might be moderately certain of being in harbour. 
The staff at once assumed an air of profound mystery until 
threatened that they would not be invited to the feast. On 
receipt of this ultimatum the " Secrecy Brigade " promptly 
collapsed and confessed that as far as they knew there was 
nothing much impending, providing the Germans kept quiet. 
A date was fixed, and a formal invitation was sent to the 
guest of the evening. TJie mess committee then retired 
to the fleet surgeon's cabin. They were closed in there 
for over an hour, ostensibly engaged in composing the 
menu. The gunnery lieutenant, who lived next door, 
sardonically suggested that they were engaged in sampling 
cocktails at the expense of the mess. But as the Paymaster • 
explained, when called upon to give reasons as to the con- 
tinuous visits of the wine stewards to the scene of the com- 
mittee's labours, " My dear fellow, how could we compose a 
menu without being inspired ? " and " Dulce est pro bono 
publico vintim bibere." The young doctor, an artist of merit, 
painted the menu cards with scenes representing famous 
incidents in the past two years of the ship's life. Such was 
one entitled, " Scene on the upper deck when M dropped 
the whaler in the water." 
The First Lieutenant, who is known as the " Impresario," 
arranged a gala kinema performance, an amusement in which 
the Commander took much joy, having always been by far the 
most enthusiastic patron (with the possible exception of the 
Admiral) of our weekly shows. 
The guest night arrived, and, fortunately, H.M.S. ■ 
ys^s quietly at anchor. The ship's band, of which we are 
inordinately proud (it musters twenty-seven members, all 
amateurs from the lower deck) played " The Roast Beef of 
Old England," and the feast began its lengthy course. The 
King's health was drunk with musical honours, and the father 
of the mess, who had been ahnost three years with the Com- 
mander, made a short speech. The Commander replied, and, 
these formalities complied with, everyone settled down for 
the real business of the evening. The first item was the 
kinematograph performance, which is always held on the 
upper deck in a space screened in by awnings and canvas 
curtains. 
Oi;r Engineer-Commander, a man of resource, had rigged 
up an ingenious arrangement by means of which, should the 
picture palace prove too cold, we can deflect into it the hot-air 
exhaust from the engine-room. As the first lieutenant proudly 
if somewhat coarsely remarked t'b our assistant-paymaster, 
" My dear fellow, you only want someone's hand to squeeze 
and the illusion would be complete ; you could imagine your- 
self in a picture palace ashore." On this particular night the 
pidce de resistance was a drama in three parts called Satan's 
Amazon. We get our films weekly from an agent near our 
regular baSe, and they are returned at the end of the week.— 
if the Service permits. In between Parts i and 2 of the 
drama the following telegram received by the First Lieutenant 
that afternoon was thrown on the screen : — | 
To Lieutenant , H.M.S. Urgent. "Satan's 
Amazon " must arrive here to-day, Saturday. Contract 
to show film at Picturedrome for week beginning Mon- 
day, 5th inst. — KiNO. 
As at the moment Satan's Amazon was some 400 miles 
Jroni her home, in a place where the railway runs not, and 
as it was Saturday night, the above wire w^s not without its 
humour. 
During kinema performances the younger members of the 
mess usually congregate on a life-saving raft at the back of 
the theatre. This position is known as the threepenny gallery, 
arid the occupants generally keep up a running fire of candid 
criticism on the various films. In one of the intervals between 
the films the Captain laughingly told the First Lieutenant that 
he would be obliged to cancel his licence as manager of the s 
house if the disturbance at the back did not abate. The 
remark was greeted with loud cheers by the " gallery." 
Sqpported by the gunnery lieutenant, the manager announced 
his intention of clearing the hooligans out of the house. The 
two " chuckers-out " made a frontal attack on the position, 
which was easily repulsed. A parley ensued, in which the 
•' gods " agreed to behave themselves if the undesirable 
characters down below were requested to leave the building. 
" We may be common people," dramatically shouted the 
young doctor, " but we arc virtuous ; look at the people 
strolling round your promenade, and the Bishop of London 
was only up here ten days ago ! " A cheer went up from 
the g:allery, and the baffled " impresario " returned to his 
seat in the " promenade." Wlien the kinema was over we 
adjourned to the ward-room ajid a sing-song was started. 
The famous topical song entitled " Coal in the Sack," and 
dedicated without special permission to the Commander, was 
sung and resung. At about 11.30 p.m. it was suggested that 
a few pariour tricks might not be out of place. I had to leave 
the mess at five minutes to twelve, as I had the middle watch ; 
but the last impression I received was that of a number of 
officers endeavouring to balance pokers on the ends of matches, 
a feat which the " Sub " declared to be quite feasible, and the 
secret of which he would imjmrt to any gentleman for the 
very modest price of one whLsky and soda. 
Next morning breakfast was rather a frosty meal and several 
people had " livers." At noon we suddenly went to sea and 
encountered a small gale. By sunset, to all save a few un- 
fortunates, the guest night of the evening before was a memory 
of the past. To the few it was still a naked living reality. 
