j)ecembr'r h, ifjiy 
LAND & WATER 
17 
" 1.00k here ! " indignanllv remarked tho Cornmandor, 
'■ who is giving the detail of thi^ machine, you or ini' '' 
" You arc. Sir I / am not," pointedly repHed the P.M.O. 
" All right, tlien perliaps everyone will let me get on. To 
summarise tlion, it seems to me the following theory tits in 
with observed facts. As soon as motive power is applied to 
the system by megns of this treadle and crank under- 
neath " 
" I tell you what, Sir," jubilantly exclaimed Williams. 
" wc could "do away with the treadle, and gear up a neat little 
J-horse power electric fan motor. VVe could use the one in 
the Pay's ofhce : they love a fugg and never use it. and as a 
development of the idea we could fit a little indicating device 
with red and green lamps which would show us the number of 
beats of the needle per second." ' ' ' 
" Nothing of the sort." .said the Commander. " You, in 
your enthusiasm for that most unpleasant stuti' electricity, 
would mtke this machine a fruitful source of shocks ; you 
wait until you've been througli the long course at the ' ^'er- 
non,' and then we'll allow you to monkey about with the 
electrical fittings of the ship. Till then you're a danger. " 
"Mhy not try and sew some canvas. Commander?" 
suggested the !'.?•!.(). 
" Good idea. Sentrj-, ask tlie Bo 'sun to come this way, and 
to bring a couple of yards of canvas with him." 
A few minutes later the Bo 'sun. a certain Mr.' Bolt, appeared 
on the scene. In the background lurked a hardy and ancient 
thrce-badged able seaman; a Imnch of keys attached to a 
lanyard round 'I's waist proclaimed him to be the Bo 'sun's 
Yeoman. His secretive and mfserly cast of coimtenance were 
also indications that he belonged to that great band of robbers, 
the store-keeping fraternity. In his horny fingers he clutched 
a small strip' of the thinnest canvas supplied to H.M. ships. 
The strip was about two feet long. As soon as ?'Ir. Bolt 
entered the smcking-room, he stopped dead as his gaze rested 
on the sewing machine. 
" My Se-at'ng Machine ! " he gasped, i 
" I beg your pardon, Mr. Bolt," fro.stily remarked the 
Commander. ■ • 
"I was only a-saying Sir, or in a manner of speaking, ex- 
pressing surprise at seei;ig my — er I mean the sewing machine, 
which is one of my imconsoomablc stores, standing like this 
ere in the smoking-room." ^^ 
■ Well, Mr. Bolt, it's standing here because I intend to 
work it. Now, tlid i'oii get my message about the canvas ? " 
■ Yessir : .And I liave brought two feel of canvas as you 
sent along for, but if I might make a remark. Sir— 5— " 
" '^^ ^" •' " . 
" I should say. Sir, as 'o\y it would be 'ighly injudicious to 
r)peratc this 'ere maclHnc before the 'and bonk on the subject 
arrives." •" , • 
■ What hand-Ixwk, Mr. Bolt ? ' 
Well, Sir, "continued the Bo 'sun, making a gallant effort 
to retrieve the situation, "in all the thirty years I've been 
afloat, I never 'card tell of a new instrument arriving without 
:i 'and-book of instructions, and more often than not an 
happfiid^x as well." 
" Tk> you mean to suggest seriously, Mr. Bolt, that I, as 
Commander of this ship, need a hand-book to tell me how to 
work a simple sewing machine ? " indignantly demanded the 
Commander. 
■'No, Sir. Of course not. I Was only 'azarding an opinion 
in a manner of speakin'. " 
" ^'ery w^l, that's settjed. Now let's have the canvas." 
The canvas was produced and placed under the needle. 
.V reel of cotton was put in jwsition and the thread led along 
to the needle, through which after numerous unsjiccessful 
efforts the young Doctor succeeded in threading it. His 
prestige rose sf) suddenly that he was emboldened to make 
another attempt to otist the Commander from his jxjsition of 
operator. It met with no swccc-ss, the? Commander taking 
refuge in the general statement that no bachelor could be per- 
mitted to try. 
The canvas was divided into two strips, they were super- 
imposed on each and placed under the needle. The Com- 
mander treadled vigorously, and the needle rose and fell and 
'ontinued to rise and fall. '• ■ ■' • 
" It don't seem to be sewing. Sir, " said Mr. Bolt in a voice 
from which he could not conceal satisfaction. 
"Thank you, Mr: Bolt for the canvas. I think that's all we 
_ want," pwintedly remarked the Commander. 
.Mr. Bolt is no fool, and rightly interpreted this as a signal 
for him to withdraw. It was, however, soon plain to the 
whole party that the Bo 'sun's remark was only too true. The 
t needle ros«,' and fell in a most encouraging manner, but beyond 
puncturing the canvas, there was not the slightest sign of the 
, twf> pieces bejng sewn together. A council was held, and 
after some discussion it was decided to reeve the needle " on 
Tlie' Lieril." This accomplished, the Commnndrr started 
operations again. 
He had been pedalling for about two niinule?, againVithovit 
result, when a piercing yell followed by a torrent of invectiv.- 
brought the padre hot foot from his cabin. He arrived just 
in time to see a Connnander in the painful position of being 
pinned to a piece of canvas by a needle through the side of his 
tliumb. The Sub did not improve matters by turning the 
machine in the wrong directi(.in wlien the Commander called 
on him for hcljj. 
Our Commander is an ob.stinate man and believes in the 
adage, " There is nothing tlie Navy cannot do." This 
contretemps increased his determination to conquer the 
machine. In a moving little speech, delivered while the 
P.M.O. was bandaging his finger, he accepted a cocktail from 
the Chief and called on all present to give their joint opinion. 
" There is only one thing for it," said the CWef, " and that 
is to stri]) her right down." 
" Yes. that's the best thing to do ; strip her down tho- 
roughly." agreed the Senior Engineer. 
" We will strip the perisher," announced the Commander 
with an air of a surgeon deciding on an operation, in a case 
of life and death. 
" I'll send along for one of my artificers at once." announced 
the Senior Engineer. An interval of a few minutes elapsed 
during ,wjiich period the oiSctrs gloomily, surveyed the re- 
fractorj- machine. 
The artificer arrived armed against all contingencies with 
a hammer, cokl chisel, foot rule, screw driver and an assort- 
meitt of spanners. He threw himself into his task with en- 
thusiasm, and soon the proud machine was lying in pieces 
on the smcking-room floor. Each part was carefully examinerl 
by everyone, and it was whilst this was taking place that the 
quartermaster entered, and handing a sm&ll parcel to the 
Commander said : • 
" A small boat has just come over from the store ship, Sir, 
.\nd they says as 'ow they forgot to leave .-this when they 
dumpctl the packing case aboarcl a couple of hours ago." 
The Commander looked at the parcel, then looked at the 
label, rmitted a faint groan and sank into the nearest chaii. 
The P.M.O. gently withdrew it from his nerveless grasp 
and read out the superscription on the parcel. It ran as 
follows : 
• For i^inf;er Treadle Machine Serving Pad. HI.. No. 1567 
— Shuttles. Tuv in nuviber — one spare^-Palt. Va." 
***** 
In the Warrant Officers' mess Mr. Bolt'w'as remarking to 
his friend the gunner : 
" Wot I sez is, stores are stores, but, Lor bless you, that 
don't make no difference to Ward Room Officers, they dues 
wot they likes," It reminds me of a poetry my dear mother 
used to versify with ; it was a pretty little piece and went : 
" For the rich gets all the pleasure 
And the poor gets i\\\ the blame 
It's the .same the whole world over 
It is a blinUin' shame." 
British Birds 
THE magnificent volumes of British Birds* WTitten and 
illustrated by Mr. Thorburn, E.Z.S., are already a 
classic. They have passed through two editions and the 
third edition is now beirig issued by Messrs. Longmans, 
Green, in four volumes complete. The first of these is ready ; 
the second will appear very shortly and the third and fourth 
early next year. There are only a limited number pub- 
lished. In his preface ^Ir. Thorburn writes : " Being more 
familiar witli the brush than with tlie pen it was at first my 
intention that this book should be simply a sketch book of 
British birds practically without letterpress, but as the work 
l)roceeded I was induced to write a short description of each 
of the various species represented,, giving rough notes as far 
as possible of the distribution, nest and eggs, food, song and 
habits of the difterent birds." These descriptions are a fit- 
ting accompaniment to the wonderful plates. Never have 
the birds of the British Isles been portrayed with such exact 
similitude, and even the least observant person with these 
exquisite ]iaintings and precise facts before him can have 
no difticuky in being able to identify any specimen. 
Mr. Thorburn has given his life to this work ; he has spent 
hours in studying i)irds in their natural habitats and the 
strength of his work lies in the extraordinary manner in which 
he reproduces not only the exact plumage, but the trtie jxiist? 
and carriage of each. To glance at these plates carries 
even an amateur back to the coimtry sets their music ringing 
in his ears. The painter has done splendid work for British 
ornitlwlogy ; and one cannot be too gratefid to him. 
: 4 , ■ ,. — , • , 
*BriUsh Birils. Written and iliiistrated bj- k. TiioitBr'RSi,- -F.Z.S. 
With 82 riates in Colovir. In 4 voluincs. tnl JCditin„ 
L-nngmims, Green; ;f8-83;- ■ 
