14 
LAND & WATER 
December 20, 1917 
dost roy so many piaco industries as to redutc the revenue 
yieldiiif; capacity ui tlu- countiy ; but as war goes on peace 
industries ale conxerted into wax industries, peace profits 
become war profits, j)eace wages become war wages. There 
is consequently no fear of industrial destruction by high 
taxation. The whole problem becomes one of temjxjrary 
sacrifice as compared with the postponement of liabilities. 
We ought all of us to be prepared to make a higher sacrifice 
to-day in order that the nation may be in a stronger position 
for meeting the \-ery serious economic difficulties which will 
have to be solved when the war ends. It is possible greatly 
to increase the income-tax and at the same time to extend it 
lo every class in the community, so that even the poorest niav 
make some direct contribution to the cost of the war. In 
addition, it is possible to increase very largely the ta.xes on 
\arious forms of e,xpenditure so that the money now spent 
upon private satisfactions may be available instead for public 
needs. There is no reason why these steps should be delayed 
to some arbitrary date which Mr. Bonar Law may fix for his 
next Budget. 
We want an increase at once in the public revenue and a 
decrease at once in private expenditure. A Government which 
refuses to take these steps through political cowardice or 
anv other motive, is not serving the interests of the nation. 
The Pen- Wiper 
By Etienne 
XE day, several months ago, in the parlour of a small 
inn situated in the north|(one must not be too precise). 
O several naval officers had congregated together. 
Two years ago this little inn had been on its last legs 
in a financial sense, but then came the war, and with it the fleet, 
and ever since that day, whenever the ships were in harbour, 
naval officers had met "together at the inn " Northern Lights." 
The " Northern Lights " is a very snug little house, stoutly 
built in grey stone, and from its "porch it is only a stone's 
throw to the small pier (built by local labour, under the direc- 
tion of an engineer-commander), against which the picquet 
boats and sailing launches and pinnaces jostle each other when 
waiting for their cargoes of officers and men who have been 
ashore for a few hours' exercise. So it is that officers waiting 
for their boats gravitate naturally to the " Northern Lights," 
and study in a contemplative manner the Defence of the 
Kealm Acts, and " Board of Liquor Control Regulations," 
It was blowing half a gale, and the Scotch mist was rolling 
acrossthemoorslikepuf'fsof damp smoke; when I turned into 
the " Northern Lights." Only a few enthusiasts had "taken 
the beach." 1 took off and hung up a dripping oilskin, and 
entered the parlour. There were three other fellows in there 
sitting round the fire. One was a marine whom I did not know, 
and the other two were friends of mine, R and P , 
both lieutenants from one of the battleships. 
" Ry Jove, it's perishin' cold," complained the soldier, 
" seems to grip one after East Africa," he murmured, as if in 
extenuation of fiis complaint. 
'' When did vou come home?" said R 
" Middle of June," replied the marine. 
" The Huns are pretty well euchred out there, aren't thev ? " 
paid R . ^ 
" Oh. rather, Smuts had put the kybosh on them all right, 
they were getting ready to have a beano for the. homecoming of 
the victorious warriors at the Cape when I passed through," 
answered the soldier. "Sickening bad luck I had in 'not 
coming home earlier, I missed the stunt on the 31st* " 
There was a lull in the conversation. We three had not 
missed " the stunt on the 31st," and though some months' 
old. mention of that date evoked memories. 
" Talking of the 3rst," said P- , "I only realised the 
other day that ' The Pen Wiper ' was scuppered that night " 
" Whom did vou say? " I asked. 
" The Pen Wiper," repeated P 
" W[ho the devil was that ? " enquired R . 
J- ',' )} l^y .''"i"iy ^ , of course. D'you mean to say vou 
didn t know he was called the ' Pen-Wiper ' ? " 
\Ve expressed our ignorance of this fact, and demanded 
the tale winch we knew must be attached to thi< name 
I think," said the soldier, " a verv small drink wouldn't 
do us any harm. Suzie McHamish entered in response to a 
knock of a stick on the wooden floor. " Three small 
whiskeys and water and a lemonade," said the soldier 
" ^'^''■■■'"f)" f>ffceccr must pay for his ain drinks," stcrnlv 
remarked Suzie, then, as she saw the clock, which pointed t.:> 
5.50. p.m " Whishts, and it's no yet six o'clock, so ye canna 
ha whuskey the noo." 
" Quick, R exert your well-known fascinations or we are 
undone, I whispered. 
" My dear Miss Mc'Hamisli," interposed R . " how 
often have I warned yon that tlie affection;which exists between 
ns will be fatally marred by this slavish adherence to those 
regulations. And he pointed to the " Liquor Control " 
rules. Come Suzie, for two years you have sinned at 5.';o 
p.m. for my sake. Why this sudden coyness ? What i*? ten 
minutes of time ? 'And our boat goes at " 
" Ah, weel 'S.h. R , ye ken verra well it's no lawfu' 
but I s pose I maun get them for ye." 
With a complacent smile, R . filled and lit another pipe, 
^.^ " began his stOTv. 
•Jutland. " ■ 
" It was in 1908 T first met him, I was a sub in one of the boats 
of the North flotilla, based at Portland. Jimmy had just got 
command of the ' Sharper ' ; he commissioned her at Pompey, 
and when he brought her round to join up with the flotilla, we 
all thought him a devilish lucky fellow. He only had six years 
in as a Lieutenant, and was the youngest skipper in the 
flotilla. But he deserved his command. I tell you Jimmy was 
one of the smartest destroyer officers in the old Home Fleet. 
The way he handled that boat was a revelation to the whole 
flotiUa. There was no doubt about it, he was red hot. Of 
course, some people said he was reckless, and so he was in a 
way ; but, after all, what good destroyer officer hasn't got a 
bit of devil in him ? Jimmy had his share all right. When 
he'd just shipped two stripes, thev gave him a command in 
the Devonport torpedo boat flotiUa. Old Arthur Hillow was 
the commander of his division, and was a bit of a taut hand. 
One night they were exercising off the Eddvstone, and Jimmy's 
boat began to flame at the funnel— you know what devils 
at doing that those old coal-boats were ; when they got 
in next morning, Hiflow sent for Jimmy and scrubbed him down 
over this. Next time they went out, to the joy of the division, 
old Arthur's boat began to flame. Jimmy saw" this, and though 
they were going 20 knots, he brought his boat up to within 
about 10 yards of the divisional leader. 
" What the deuce are you doing, you reckless young 
fool.'' " sung out Arthur through a megaphone. 
Please sir, I've only come to make some toast , ' ' says Jimmy 
m reply as he hoisted out a ship's loaf on the end of a 20-foot 
boathook. No one else could have done it without being court 
martialled, but it shows the kind of fellow he was. 
Well, as I was saying, he joined up with our flotilla in 1908, 
]ust about the time they started the idea of putting destroyers 
into " pens " instead of mooring 'em in the stream. We used 
to he two deep in the Portland pens, and whenever Jimmy 
%vas outside boat, it was the dickens to pay for the bloke in- 
side him. Jimmy would come in at half .speed, dodge half a 
dozen dinghies and a couple^ of buoys, miss the entrance pici 
by inches, and inside of five minutes he'd be tied up, head and 
stern. 
^^k^^^^u ^ "^'"^ ^°^ running things fine, and fellows swore 
that his boat had a smaller turning circle and less beam than 
any of the others, but, of course, she was sister to them all. 
Naturally he often had small bumps, and bethought nothing 
of removing every wooden outside fitting from the boat he was 
running alongside. If you left anything sticking over the 
side It was a " dead bird " if Jimmy was due to double-bank 
you in the " pens." 
He always sent his artificer over at once. " With Captain 
^~Zr* compliments, and if 'e done any damage, 'e 'opes 
youlllet me repair it, sir." j v> i- 
" Done any damage," shrieked an infuriated gunner, 
one day in which he was a helpless spectator whilst one 
of us sighting hoods was neatly split in twain by a bridge 
rail, as the Sharper shot past. " Done any damage ? 
Uhy^ your captain's a blinkin pen-wiper— that's what 
himSf"^'"^ ^^^'^^' ^"^ "° °"^ relished it more than Jimmy 
i,;i'!fr^f ''" '"?" ^^'''" ^'"c<5 those days, but I heard about 
h m after the action. It appears that he fired his last torpedo 
at a range of 200 yards, with about a dozen searchlights, and 
1.01(1 knows how many six-inch on him. Last thing seen of 
r in. \ ffi u'^^ disabled-bumping down the side of a 
\Wr •', ^'j^'/j'P-o " ^ ^"°^^ ^"ything of him, the " Pen- 
he wanted ?o ^^""^ "'^^*- "^ ^^'^y' ^^'^ get where 
" Pity he's gone." said R- 
fh,. n\^U ..u." "n "." ' " Wokes like that are useful 
tne night after a fleet action. 
the nier'l.f.fif!'^ ^T~ *? ^'''^ '""^^ *« '^^ttle our way down to 
like£.XnnheTlrd°'*^' " '"^ ^'^'"^ '''^^ ^^'"^^"'^ '^'' 
