M 
Land & Water 
August 2 2, 191 8 
to the former by the responsible authorities : the Foreign 
Office, Home Office, War Office. Far be it from me to 
ask for dangerous favours to be granted to all foreigners 
for the simple reasons that they are foreigners and 
guests of this hospitable country. On the contrary, I 
am strongly of opinion that special cards or passes making 
things easier for the allies in Engkvnd should be issued, only 
at the request and under the responsibility of the Embassy or 
of the Legation of each allied country. Even then the English 
authorities ought to retain the right to concede or refilse the 
facilities asked for. But there can be no doubt as to the un- 
fairness of the actual system of registration, which only worries 
honest people and which the undesirable aliens manage to 
escape for months and years, till they are discovered by 
chance, maybe when it is too late. v 
In one word, all we ask for Allies of guaranteed trust- 
worthiness is that they should enjoy the same pri\ileges 
and suffer the same restrictions, and only those, which are 
the common lot of all British subjects. Space forbids me to 
cite further cases in support of this plea on behalf of England's 
faithful Allies. As a resident in this coimtry for more than 
twenty years, as a friend of Great Britain long before the 
Entente and the Alliance, I claim the privilege of appealing to 
that sense of fairness which is so essentially characteristic both 
of the English people and their Government, knowing well 
that one never asks fair play from either in vain. 
Dining Out: A Naval Sketch by Etienne 
From I.iEUTKN.ANT I'lTZ Prick, H.M.S. Amiens. 
To LiEUTEN.^NT JoHNSTON, H.M.S. Hardy. 
EXCUSE short notice/ Will you dine with me 
to-night ? " 
Such is, a typical signal to receive at about 
the hour of 4 p.m. Always supposing Fitz- Price 
is a friend whom one wishes to cultivate, one can^ 
and personally I often do, counter the signal by replying : 
"Very sorry, can't get off. Please dine with me." 
It is dangerous to go into details, such as "Very sorry, 
can't get a boat," or something like that, as should the Com- 
mander see the signal, he, knowing you haven't asked him for 
a boat, will take it as reflecting personally on himself, and 
also there is a slight danger that Lieutenant Fitz Price will 
reply : "We will fetch you." 
It^ mav happen that owing to some grave event, such as 
the supply of mess port giving out, you are not adverse to 
making the necessary effort and dining out. 
Under these circumstances it is as well to ascertain : 
(a) The probable state of the weather. 
(b) The distance the Amiens is anchored from the Hardy. 
If the weather looks well, and the Amiens is within the 
two mile radius, one would probably commit oneself to the 
great adventure, and send back a signal "W.M.P.", which, 
being interpreted, tells Fitz Price that you accept his invita- 
tion "with much pleasure." 
I will now endeavour to describe, as accurately as possible, 
my own e.xperience the other day, after sending the above 
signal to my particular Fitz Price. 
At 5 p.m. I interviewed the Commander in re boats. 
" What do you want," said he. "I'm dinfng in the Amiens, 
and I'd like a boat, sir," said I. 
"All right — send you over in the skiff — find your own way 
back— that suit you ? " 
"Well, sir, the Amiens is six ships down the line, and there'll 
be an ebb tide against me, so . . ." 
"Oh, I suppose you'll have to have the picket boat — ' 
well, you must be back by 11. 15. What time do you want 
her .' " 
Drawing a bow at a venture, I said 7.20, as I imagined 
-they dined at 6.30 in the Amiens. I was mistaken, for when 
I arrived there at 7.25 Fitz Price met me at th? top of the 
gangway, and greeted me with the remark ; 
"Cheer-oh, old bird, I'd given you up— you're 25 minutes 
late — didn't you know we were feeding at 7 Pip Emma, 
as the Grabbles* say ? " 
I replied in the negative, and pointed out that wireless 
telepathy was still in the experimental stage. 
George (no one calls Fitz Price by his surname) relieved 
the tension by announcing that, "Well, it doesn't matter a 
damn. I've only got as far as the fish, and I'd like to start 
again." 
.As we were walking across the quarter-deck, he paused, 
and turning to me said, "Oh, I say, how are you going to 
get back ? " 
"Well, I've got a perfectly good steairi boat, and I've 
arranged for it to come and fetch me between now and 
dawn," I rephed. 
"You see," he continued, "it's a bit awkward . . ." 
"What's a bit awkward," I inquired, for knowing George 
since Osborne days, my suspicions were instantly aroused. 
"Well, as a matter of fact,," he said, "we got a signal at 
6 p.m., putting us at half an hour's notice for steam, and 
there's a buzz floating round that we're slipping off at 8 p.m." 
"The devil you did, and what the deuce do you suppose 
I'd do, if you do shove off ? " 
"Oh, well, it will be all right," he answered in soothing 
"Grabbles — Soldiers. 
tones. "Tommy was dining with me last week and we 
shoved off unexpected like, and we had to leave him on the 
buoy when we slipped. We gave him a bottle of sloe gin 
and a box of. matches, and as we went down harbour we 
signalled to his packet, 'Lieutenant Thompson is on number 
eight buoy, striking matches.' You'll be all right." 
Words failed me — George is irresistible, and I meekly fol- 
low-ed him down to the ward room. 
" Excuse me, Mr. President, and my guest, who's come at 
last," said George. 
"Certainly," said the President. "Waiter, Mr. Fitz Price 
has already had fish, so in the interests of national economy 
he will start at beef." 
George protested volubly, and, as 1 expected, with entire 
success. 
I need not enlarge on the subsequent entertainments, 
which consisted of a -sing-song, followed up by a "rough 
house," in which a certain amount of furniture was broken. 
At II p.m. the Amiens showed no signs of going to sea, 
which was good, but my boat showed no sign of turning up, 
which was bad. Conversation with George languished, and 
I was not surprised to discover in the course of conversation 
with the sub. that George had the morning .watch. A guest 
after 11.30 becomes a nuisance, if one is obliged to get up 
at 3.45 a.m. It was not until after 11.45 that my boat 
arrived. On going on deck, I found it was raining and blow- 
ing, and that the picket boat had been obliged to take an 
urgent letter to the Didon, at the extreme end of the line — 
hence the delay. On entering the boat, a playful wave 
covered the bottom step of the ladder whilst I was en it. 
I called out to the coxswain, as a matter of form ; 
"Back to the ship, please." 
A dripping figure in oilskins came aft : 
"Please, sir, I've got to go to the Quinten Castle first to 
fetch the Engineer Commander, who went over at 9 p.m." 
I groaned, and retreating into the cabin sat down in a 
pool of water. 
A series of crashes, bumps, and hoarse-shouts of : 
"Give them the grass line." 
"Why the devil don't you make fast forrard." 
"Put your helm to port, coxswain." 
"Look out for our blinkih' ladder." 
apprised me that we were in the vicinity of the Quinten 
Castle. Groping my way out into the stern sheets, I requested 
the officer of the watch, who loomed high above us. the centre 
of a constellation of lanterns, to inform the Engineer Ccm- 
mander that his boat was waiting. Five minutes had elapsed 
when a voice from above sung out : 
" I say. That officer in the boat — will you come dow n to 
the mess, please." 
"No, thanks." I replied. "Did you tell our Chief I was 
in the boat ? " 
"Yes, and our Commander said I was to bring you down." 
'I foresaw half an hour's wait, and as the motion alongside 
was decidedly unpleasant, I wearily clambered up the ladder, 
and was taken below. A tremendous party was in full swing, 
the centre of attraction being our Chief, who was perform.jng 
to the accompaniment of slow music his famous impersona- 
tion of a match seller in Piccadilly Circus. It appeared that 
their chaplain had that day tak,en unto himself a wife, hence 
these festivities — the reverend gentleman was at the moment 
on his honeymoon, so the connection seemed obscure, but 
such was the explanation given to me. 
■At 12.30 our Engineer Commander thought we'd really 
better go, and at i a.m. I got to bed, swearing I would never 
dine out again. And yet I know that if I got a signal from 
George to-morrow night, I should go and dine with him— 
George is irresistible. 
