20 
LAND &' WATER 
November 28, 1918 
miuuiiniuuiuuiuiu 
me mexTRE 
By W. J. Turner 
♦♦•♦♦♦♦*♦♦ » » « » >♦♦♦♦ » » « « »♦♦■»♦ » « »♦ >«iM»«»>« ***"**'— 
I WONDER who named that gim-crack music-hall near 
Oxford Circus "The Palladium." For "Coliseum," 
there is some vestige of a reason. Vespasian's "Coli- 
seum " was the mother of all music-halls ; but 
"Palladium," as far as I know, is a statue of the 
Goddess Pallas, who probably strongly disapproves of music- 
halls ; however, it is an easily pronounced, easily remem- 
bered name, which was no doubt the chief consideration. 
I ,had no intention of going to the Palladium this week ; but 
it suddenly occurred to me that I had never seen Little Tich, 
and Little Tich, I found, was on there, so I went to see him. 
When I get into a theatre the first thing I do is to buy a 
programme and then read who owns the theatre. I have 
no intention of buying it, naturally ; but it is an instinct 
born probably of a desire to know exactly where I am and 
who can turn me out if I suddenly make up my mind to 
become disagreeable ; and so I read that the Palladium 
belonged to the Capital Syndicate, Ltd., and that the managing 
director was Mr. Charles Gulliver, his chief of staff [sic) 
being Mr. Harry Masters, and his manager Mr. C. Foster- 
Warner. I name all these gentlemen because I prophesy 
there is a thin time coming for music-halls after the war ; 
the present prosperity — not to say boom — will be over, and 
the race will then be to the enterprising men not afraid of 
new ideas. I see nothing in the programme given at the 
Palladium to suggest that they will fail to sink in the struggle. 
/Ijlt is a fact — whether lamentable or not is another matter — 
that at the present time nothing is too bad in the way of 
theatrical entertainment to prosper. The only requirements 
for a full house nightly are accessibility and enough electric 
light. Of course, there must be a drop-curtain and some 
attempt at a show behind it, but any effort on the part of 
the management to do something will meet with generous 
appreciation. But this is not going to last ; with the return 
of peace, audiences will become more sparing of their money, 
mare determined to get good value for it, and more critical. 
This will be all to the good, because critical audiences make 
good artists, raise the standard of their profession, and 
stimulate healthy rivalry, while an all-round devastating 
slackness results from easy success and the feeling that 
anything will do. 
The distinction between music-halls and theatres will in 
tim3 disippear; even now the difference between the 
Ambassador's and the Royalty, which are both known as 
theatres, in the entertainment given is at least as great as 
b2t'V32a the Coliseum and His Majesty's. If asked now 
whether the Pavilion is a music-hall or a theatre, most people 
would n )t be able to say, the chief present distinction between 
muiic-hall and theatre being the thoroughly artificial one 
that smoking is allowed in one and not in the other. At one 
time the word music-hall suggested a definite type of enter- 
tainmsnt, but it has ceased to do so for a number of years, 
and anything from the white-eyed Kaffir to a French classic 
drama, or a Russian ballet, may be seen at a music-hall ; 
and although music-halls still suggest a more varied enter- 
tainment, the coming of revue into the theatre — to say 
nothing of the musical play destined to come in the near 
future — has made variet}' no longer their monopoly. The 
strength of the variety entertainment lay in the average 
man's feeling that among the items he would be sure to find 
something to like. But, as a matter of fact, a man is just as 
likely to find as many interesting and attractive moments in 
a play he does not care for as in an average variety pro- 
gramme. Bad as many of the plays are at present being 
performed in London, there are only one or two of them 
I would not rather see than the programme at the Palladium. 
It -is very rarely that one gets more than two good numbers 
at a music-hall, and there are few, if any, music-hall stars 
that could not be seen with equal advantage in a revue, 
farce, or musical play. 
•(.That the formless variety entertainment, however good, 
is inferior to a constructed play there can be no doubt, and 
those who during the war have had to do with entertaining 
British and overseas soldiers learned, to their surprise, how 
the men iqvariably prefer plays to revues or music-halls. 
There was a time, not so very long before the war, when 
what was described as the legitimate stage was thought to 
be doomed ; but it was a mistake, and it is certain that the 
St. James's Theatre is likely to flourish at least as long as the 
Palladium, ]even though we are not likely to see Little Tich 
in com3dy. It is a pleasure to seejsuch a masterly artist ; 
his genius lies in his legs, which are amazingly versatile, 
and which he ^manipulates like another^pair of hands. His 
ball-room scene was incredibly funny, and I am astonished 
that no kinema syndicate has induced him to act for them. 
He would make aijserious rival to Charlie Chaplin. Ajiart 
from Little Tich, there was a good ventriloquist. Coram ; 
but nothing else. "The irresistible comedienne" I just y 
missed, and the comic conjuror Carlton was indisposed. 
There was a substitute turn that was very poor, except for 
the fair hair of the girl, which was well dressed, and looked 
really beautiful from a short distance. Miss Ruth Vincent 
sang one operatic excerpt and, I think, two songs. She 
was described as "the famous Prima Donna, in selections 
from her repertoire," and the selections were printed. Here 
they are : ' ^ 
"Garden of Happiness' 
"One Dream of You" 
. .Daniel Wood 
Oliver de Gerde 
Above published by Enoch &■ Sons, 
58 Great Marlborough Street, W. 
"Sing me a Restful Song" . . . . Ed. St. Quentin 
"When I Hear that Far, Far Call" Herbert Mackenzie 
Above published by Reid &■ Co., 26 Castle Street, W. 
" Se Saren Rose " .. .. .. .. Arditi 
"Dennis" . . . . . . . . R. M. Richardson 
Published by Joseph Williams, Ltd., 
32 Great Portland Street, W. 
"Wonderful World of Romance". . . . Haydn Wood 
"Fat, lil" Feller" ... .. .. Sheridan Gordon 
Pviblished by Chappell &- Co., 50 New Bond Street, W. 
I give you these because those who are musical may like to 
know what "a famous Prima Donna" sings, but my advice 
is don't get them! After Miss Ruth Vincent there was an 
American comedian named Sam Stern ; this turn narrowly 
escaped being good. He gave two Jewish character studies, 
one of a boy in the Army and the other, of a Maida Vale 
Jewess flapper — two excellent ideas, but indifferently exe- 
cuted. The chief amusement of the evening after Little 
Tich was caused by Mr. Ernie Lotinga in what the authors 
described, evidently in a state of perplexity induced by over- 
collaboration, as "an entirely new original dramatic comedy 
sensational sketch." This dramatic wonder was~ called 
Jones, K.C., and had about as much relation to anything 
real on this earth as a rhinoceros has to a pet lap-dog. Mr. 
Ernie Lotinga, however, did actually succeed several times in 
being funny ; but I never saw a sketch, even on a music- 
hall, in which the author took so barefacedly and in the 
teeth of all probability the shortest and easiest way to raise 
a laugh. It was a far cry from such rubbish to the late 
Mr. Fred Emney's sketches, one of which I had seen wheh 
I was last at the Palladium. 
Some one has written to me objecting that playgoers 
should not be too intelligent. I mention this in order to 
inform any correspondent, if by any chance he does not 
already know it, that somewhere about the year 1036 a 
Chinese poet, named Su Tung-P'o, was also disgusted with 
intelligence, and wrote the following lines ; ' 
ON THE BIRTH OF HIS SON. 
Families, when a child is born, 
Want it to be intelligent. 
I, through intelligence. 
Having wrecked my whole life. 
Only hope the baby will prove 
Ignorant and stupid. 
Then he will crown a tranquil life 
By becoming a Cabinet Minister. 
Nevertheless, I assure my correspondent that neither he 
nor Su Tung-P'o, nor Mr. Waley, his admirable translator, 
have succeeded in converting me : 
I, when my son is born 
Only hope he will prove intelligent ; 
For, having castigated so much stupidity 
On the stage and in my pantomimic acquaintances. 
Feel that, if there is to be any more 
Brought into the world from under my own roof, 
I might as well become an actor-manager 
And give up pretending that I have any brains. 
