1189 
To the, Editor of the Monthly Magazine. 
SIR, 
Soe very wife men have doubted 
+ whether—no—lI beg their pardon— 
very wife men, in our days, are averfe to 
the flow procefs of doubting—and there- 
fore find it eafier to afert—that all our 
vices are the excefles of fome virtue ; 
though, I believe, they have not gone fo 
far as to offer the converfe of this propo- 
fition, and maintain, that all our virtues 
muft be the fuperfluous part of our vices. 
Whether they are right in eftablifhing 
this barter, is not for me to determine ; 
but [ cannot help being fomewhat in- 
clined to think, that very good fort of 
people have ftrange whims and habits, 
which, though it would neither be polite 
nor juft tocall vices, yet muft be account- 
ed very troublefome and inconvenient 
‘things. Such is the cafe, perhaps, with 
your outrageoufly virtuous people, in 
whofe opinion, a fmile is a criminal over- 
ture, and the touch of a finger, an im- 
pulfe of Satan—or with your violently 
fentimental people, who exult in the 
profpeét of a long dreary aifle, termi- 
nated by a,dungeon, who converfe in fobs 
and thrieks ; and whofe daily bread is a 
kind of fermentation, excited by the 
clanking of chains, and the report of 
pifttols.—But let me not wander from my 
intended fubject. Let me not plunge 
into the abyfs of romance, when I ought 
to relate a plain tale, nor wander abroad 
in fearch of terrors, when J may remain 
at home in purfuit only of inconveni- 
ences: 
My misfortune, fir, is to poffefs the 
whole and fole property, perfonal and 
mental, of a WIFE, who is, without 
all exception (except what is to follow) 
one of the beft of human beings. That 
fhe is fo, 1 fhould be difpofed to allow 
voluntarily, even if 1 were not obliged 
toaffent to it, as attefted and fworn by 
every one who knows her, that 1s, who 
occafionally pays us a vifit, beholds her 
good deeds, and profits by them, To 
contradiét people, who muft be the*beft 
judges, been they think fo, and in a 
matter, too, which muft be very gratify- 
ing to the feelings of a hufband, would 
be at once very unpolite and very unwife. 
But writing, as [am now, to you, and 
ina Mifcellany which js intended to an- 
fwer the purpofes of a Committee of 
Public Safety, I may, perhaps, take 
greater freedoms than domeftic good 
manners will allow ; andin my fidtitious 
charaéter, advance fome things, which, 
Charaéter of a Wife. 
{ Marcks 
in propria perfona, I find it quite as pru- 
dent to let pafs without animadverfion. 
Sir, this angel of a woman—that is a 
very fine epithet from a man who has 
been married above twenty years—would 
deferve more praifes than you have lei- 
fure or patience to read, had fhe not hit, 
‘in early life, upon a /y/fem of bappinefs, 
which fhe is never likely to complete, 
which perhaps never was completed, 
and which, if it could be brought toa 
termination, would probably make her 
very unhappy. You are to know, that 
fhe refolves all happinefs into two paf- 
fions, hope and fear, and a mind conti- 
nually vibrating between thefe, is, in her 
opinion, a mind of perfeét felicity. Now, 
I know that fome people would call this 
refilefizefs, and an eminent phyfician, of 
my acquaintance, has affured me, that 
it isnothing but the fdgets, a diforder 
peculiar, as he fays, to females, efpe- 
cially to thofe whoare called your mighty 
good kindof women: but this, with fub- 
miffion to his medical fkill, muft, I think, 
bea miftake; for I have perceived fymp- 
toms of the fdzeis in women, who couid 
not, in any fenfe of the words, be term- 
ed mighty good, or mighty evil, A 
learned lady affured me, that my wife’s 
diforder was irritability of locomotion. 
Be this as it may, for doctors will dif- 
fer, my wife purfues her fyftem with 
unabated affiduity, continually finding 
out {chemes to exercife her mindin hope 
and fear, to raife expectation, prove in- 
genuity, gratify curiofity, and, as Bayes 
fays, in the Rehearfal, “ to elevate and 
furprife.’” You may, therefore, fuppofe, 
that in order to carry on this plan of 
happinefs, fomewhat of a romantic turn 
is neceflary. You are not miftaken. 
She pofiefles very much of that turn, 
but is much better pleafed wth the ro- 
mances of real.life, than with thofe of 
fiction, and would much rather fummons 
a hackney-coachman, than call ‘up hob. 
goblins in an old cafile. And it is very 
remarkable, that not a day. paffes without ~ 
her meeting, by the meereft accident in 
the world, with the ftrangeft perfons, 
the moft unlooked-for incidents, or the 
oddeft fpeeches and expreffions, that ever 
occurred in the hiftory of the world.— 
N.B. I never found a perfon of an ad- 
wenturous turn of mind, who did not 
meet with adveniurcs ; and I don’t know, 
but that, in fkilful hands, a journey to 
Hampftead might be made as fuprifing, 
as a voyage round the globe. But this 
by the bye i 
You will alfo readily imagine, that my 
wife 
