
774 
have for his companions people of great 
note, particularly in the article of wealth ; 
and whoever walked in the other, could 
not bat be ftruck with the affemblage of 
ageciionate bufbands and dutiful wives, 
that furrounded him. 
And, by the bye, fir, let me remark 
here one moft remarkable good effect 
which followed the reformation from 
popery. As I am a dividend of an an- 
tiquary, I can fpeak with fome confi- 
dence on this fubje€t. Previous to the 
reformation, there was not to be feen 
either in church or church-yard, fucha 
thing as an affectionate Lufoand, or a lov- 
yng wije, nor even a faithful friend. There 
was nothing to be feen among high or 
low, rich or poor, but mifcrable jnners. 
All monumental infcriptions then went to 
the tune of “ @rate pro anima mifervimt 
petateresg,’ and in this re{peét, at leaft, po- 
iterity was led intono error. Since that 
period, however, I need not tell you, that 
every cemetery is an affemblage of all 
the virtues and graces that can adorn life. 
But this is a digreffion. Regarding the 
falfe notions we entertain of our own 
confequence, as a confiderable deduction 
from the advantages of converfation, I 
would humbly fuggeft, that before a man 
goes into company, he fhould confider 
well, “how much of him it would be 
proper to take there, and how much to 
leave at home.’’ For want of a previous 
confideration of this kind, itis that my old 
friend, HyPocuoxprRiacus, filis every 
room he enters with difeafes. Begin- 
ning with his rheumatifm, which, though 
acute in nofology, is terribly chromic in 
detail, he converts all the company into 
pupils, while himfelf vibrates between 
the duties of a le€turer, and the patience 
of a clinical fubje@t. Diteafe, it is well 
known, attacks a man when and where 
ait pleates, and HYPOCHONDRIACUS is 
equally abrupt in feizing his-friends with 
mortal diftempers. I have known him 
get rid of the caufes of the war by a 
vehement inflammation, and place a vio- 
{ent cholic between the armies on the 
Rhine. More than once, he has pre- 
vented the immortality of the foul from 
being proved, by a differtation on nine 
times dyed flannel; and it was but the 
other night, he pitted a hiftory of his 
dyfentery againft the increafe of the na- 
wional debt. 
Uxortius has fuch good health him- 
felf, that he would be a moft agreeable 
companion, if he could forget his wife’s 
diforders. But he feldom goes into com- 
pany without producing a pocketful of 
Conver fation Charaéters. 
thing to the preachers of felf-importancey | 
[Nove 
her /pafms and nervous afe&ions, which 
he places regularly, article for article, 
againft the news of the day; while his 
neighbour, PAaTERNUs, jealous of fa 
much medical fame, gently interpofes his 
boy’s fmail-pox, which being of the con- 
fluent kind, take up a confiderable time 
in the cure, befides leaving certain fymp- 
toms, which lengthen the differtation 
beyond all poffibility of interruption. 
Thefe two, who are very friendly men 
upon the whole, are a little irrafcible oc- 
cafionaily, and at our laft club, had like 
to have come to a downright quarrel. 
Uxorivus was in the midft of a mervous 
fever, when PaTERNUs entered with 
his little boy’s cruditics. UxoRius ap- 
pealed to the company, whether a man 
ought to be difturbed in a ‘fever; and 
was ptoceeding very rationally to the de- 
liviows part, when his antagonift obferved, 
with fome degree of fhrewdnefs, that 
even &bed beels would make a young per- 
fon mad. I know not to what length 
thefe ciforders might have proceeded, 
had not the prefident announced, ‘that 
the hour of departure was come. 
Morosus has no diforder of body 
that we can difcover, but fo many cares 
and diftrefies in trade, that every other 
fubjeét of converfation muft give way 
tothem. He has no great turn for po- 
litics, and, therefore,/ it is difficult to pre- 
vent him from interfering with Mr. 
QurpNuNC, who is continually difcharg- 
ing battles and viétories at his friends. 
In the midft of the engagement, the 
roar of cannon, and the cries of the 
wounded, Morosus will defcant on the 
lofs he fuffered by a cargo of damaged 
figs; and while QUIDNUNG Is traverfine 
the Tyrol, and carrymg all before him 
to the very gates of Rome, Morosus 
is walking the Change in a fit of defpair, 7 
The faét is, QUIDNUNC’s attention is 
{wallowed up in affairs which he cares ¥ 
little about, while Morosus is engaged 
on afflictions which no perfon elfe cares” 
Qurpnunc would talk as he 
docs, though no war exifted; and Mo- 7 
ROsus would be as tedious, if all his) 
bills were difcounted.’ | 
But, fir, thefe are only a few fpeci- | 
mens. We have others who introduce | 
the merits cf their ¢ay/or—feme the laft © 
boxing-maich they were engaged in—and | 
fome who detail the lait dinner and drink- © 
ine-bout. Yet all thefe are tolerable, in) 
comparifon ; they are the light infantry,” 
and tay be difperfed; but they are no- 
‘ 
bout. 







~ \y .. | 
who enter a room on horleback, or ina 
j civ aa 
&'p 
