1796] 
6 diate 
mous matters. 
E. Were you a teachable fcholar? 
C. One of my mafters ufed always to 
weep when he faw me; another ufed/al- 
ways to burit into a ft of laughter. 1 
leave you to guefs what they thought of 
me. . 
E. Pray what did you do when ‘you 
were in middle age? That is ufually 
eftcemed the moft valuable part of life. 
C. I fomehow ‘got fhut up in a dark 
cell, where I took a long nap. 
E. And after you waked-—— 
(Caw eral: hae difputing with 
might. 
HE. What were the fubjects that in- 
terefted you fo much ? 
C. Several. 
H. Pray let us have a fpecimen ? 
C. Whether the light of Tabor was 
‘created or uncreated ; “whether ome bea 
number; whether men fhould  crofs 
themfelves with two fingers or with 
three ; whether the creation was finifhed 
in fix days, becaufe it is the moit perfect 
number; or whether fix 1s the moft 
erfect number, becaufe the creation 
was finifhed in fix days; whether two 
and one make three, or only one. 
FE. And pray what may be your opi- 
nion, of the la‘t propofition, particularly ? 
C. I have by no means made up my 
wind about it; in another century, per- 
haps, I may be able to decide upon the 
point. 
E. Thefe debates of your’s had one 
advantage, however; you could not pof- 
fibly put yourfelf in a hao on fuch 
kind of fubjects. 
C. There you are very much mif- 
taken. 'f was conftantly in a pafiion 
upon one or orher of them; and if my 
opponent did not agree with me, my 
conitant practi ice, was to knock him 
down. even if it were in the church. I 
have the happinefs of being able to in- 
Hoe myfelf in the moft indifferent 
quettions as foon as I am contradicted 
upon it. I can make a very good’ dif- 
pute out of the ey Whether the 
preference be due to blue or green, in 
the colour of jockey’s cap; and would 
defire no better caufe of a ‘quarrel than 
T hada great many fa- 
all my 
whether a perfon’s name fhould be {pelt ' 
with C, or with K. 
#. Thefe conftant difputes muft have 
had a very bad effeét on your younger 
children. How do you hope ever to 
have a quiet houfe? 
C. And yet, I doaffure you, ee is no 
one point that. 1} have laboured more than 
-that important one of family harmony. 
AA : Dialogues 
ar 
E, Indeed:} 
@: Yes;. tor the fake/of that’ order 
and unanimity, which has always been 
dear to me, I have conftantly infifted 
that all my children fhould jueexe and 
blow ibew nofes at the fame time, and in 
the fame manner. 
E. May I prefume to afk the reafon 
of this injunéhion ? 
C. [s it poffible you do not fee the 
extreme danger, as well as indecorum, 
of fuffering ever ry one to blow his note 
his own way? Could you truft any one 
with the Keys of your offices, wha 
fneezed to the right when other people 
fneezed to the left; or to the left when 
they {neezed to the right? 
E. I confefs I am rather dull in dif 
cerning the inconvenience that would 
enfue; but pray have you been able to 
accom plith this defirable uniformity ?- 
C. 1 acknowledge I have not; and in- 
deed I have met with {o much ob‘tinate 
refittance to this my wife regulation, 
that, to tell you the truth, I am al- 
moft on the point of giving it up. You 
would hardly believe the perverfenets 
my children have {hown on the occation ; 
blowing their nofes, locked up in their 
rooms, or in dark corners about the 
houfe, in every poilible way; fothat, 
in fhort, on pretence of colds, tender 
~nofes, or want of pocket handkerchiefs, 
or one plea or another, I have been 
obliged to tolerate the uncomplying, very 
much againft my will. However, I. 
contrived to thow my difapprobation, at 
leaft, of fuch fcandaious irregularities, 
by never faying God dle/s you, if a perfon 
{neezes in the family contrary to efta- 
hthed rule. 
£. Lam glad, at leaft, you are in this 
refpect got a- little nearer to common 
fenfe. As you feem to have been of fo 
imporious a difpofitioa, T hope you were 
not trufted with any miichievous Wea- 
ons? 
C. At fir! I ufedto fight with clubs 
and ftones ; afterwards with other wea- 
pons; but at length I contrived to get 
at gunpowder, and then I did elorious 
mifchief. 
E. Pray vou had never any body whe 
taughc you better > 
G. Yes, feveral wife men, from time 
to time, attempted to mend my manners, 
and reform me, as they called it. 
FE, And how did you behave to them > 
C’. Some I hunied about; fome I 
poifoned ; fome [ contrived to have 
thrown into prifon; fome I made bon- 
fires of ; others I only laughed at. It 
was but the other day that one of them 
wanted 
