1809. 
fentence at the conclufion of an Old Bailey 
feffions in this manner: 
«You, John Glim, have been found 
guilty of houfe-breaking : it only remains 
for me that I pronounce the fentence of 
the law, which is, that you be taken from 
thence to Surgeons Hall, in Lincoln’s Inn 
Fields, in the City of Weftminfter, and 
County of Middlefex, and there be cut for 
a fiftula.”’ 
eo You, Thomas Vagrant, have been 
found guilty of ftealing privately. The 
fentence of the law is that your right hand 
fhould be cut off ; but the court, in confi- 
deration of your having a numerous family, 
whom you maintain by your profeflion as 
a ballad-finger, hath been pleafed to remit 
that part of your fentence, and orders that 
you be qualified for the Opera Houfe.”” 
This, Sir, would alter the face of things 
in Newgate ; inftead of rioting, drinking 
and fwearing, which are too much to be 
heard in all our jails, we fhould hear no- 
thing but groans, and fcreams, and the 
direful operation ,of bolufes and juleps. 
The Newgate Calendar then would be a 
lift of cafes in furgery ; and the keeper, if 
he found a prifoner refractory, might. ea- 
fily procure fuch adyice from the firft fur- 
geon in the neighbourhood, as would ef- 
fectually prevent his running away. 
Upon highwaymen, footpads, and all 
fuch blood-thirfty fellows, I would have 
the various kinds of /typtics tried ; expe- 
riments might alfo be made with gun-/hot 
wounds, a fpecies of retaliation which 
would admirably ferve the purpofes of 
{cience and juftice. As to crimes com- 
mitted in a fate of intoxication; for the 
leffer {pecies, a courfe of quack medicines 
might probably be fevere enough ; but for 
the more atrocious, it would be abfolutely 
neceflary to punifh by tapping. Not that 
I mean that the fentence of the judge fhould 
be definitive. Alleviating circumftances 
ought ftill to appeal to the fountain of 
mercy, and in cafes where the jury ftrongly 
recommended to mercy; his majefty would 
no doubt remit the ¢rocar or the bi/foury, 
as might feem fit. Very heinous offences 
committed by females, might be punifhed 
by operations incident to the fex, fuch as 
experiments on the nervous fy{tem, on the 
tongue, &c. or perhaps the ¢ce/arian ope- 
ration might be ordered in lieu of hanging ; 
and, if we may believe fome learned pro- 
feffional men who have lately tried that 
Operation, it would not amount to much 
more than a refpite for a week! 
Ais to petty offences, bleeding and tooth- 
Medical and Surgical Punifbments. 
519 
drawing would in general be fufficient, and 
perhaps as good for the morals as beating 
hemp and blafpheming ; or the apothe- 
caries might be permitted to try the effect 
of fome new-invented medicine. I fancy 
I fhall fome day or other read in the newf- 
papers a paragraph like the follow- 
ing : 
“© Yefterday three men and a woman 
were brought before the Lord Mayor, for 
getting drunk and making a riot in a pub- 
lic houfe at unfeafonable hours: but, on 
theirmaking a handfome apology for their 
conduét, and promifing to behave better 
in future, his lordfhip was pleafed to order 
that each fhould take a box of Dr. Hum- 
bug’s Cathartic pills, and be dilcharged.”” 
In this plan, I humbly prefume, it is 
very obvious that yarious perfons would 
be gratified. Men of {cience would be un- 
doubtedly pleafed with fo extenfive a range 
of experimental praStice ; and I truft there 
is enough in the fcheme to fatisfy thofe 
who think that our punifhments are in ge- 
neral too lenient. Executioners and jai- 
lors may be bribed, and there are various 
ways of foftening punifhments ordered by 
the law ; but the gentlemen to be employed 
upon my plan would have too much in- 
tereft in its fuccefs to be fwayed by any 
confiderations of another kind, or to be ~ 
prevailed upon to lay down the knife or 
the lancet before law and juftice had been 
fully fatished. Befides, fhould a greater 
degree of feverity be contended for in the 
cafe of certain crimes, than an expert ope- 
rator might inflict, we have bungling fur- 
geons and blundering apothecaries enough, 
whofe handy work and prefcriptions would 
amount to the full rigour of the law ; or 
the numerous tribe of advertizing doctors 
might be employed, and I hope none will 
fay that the punifhment in that cafe would 
not be perfectly adequate to the crime. 
Having fugzelted thefe hints, Mr. Edi- 
tor, I leave them and the whole {cheme to 
the confideration of your readers; I truft 
they will weigh it with impartiality, and 
determine whether it is or is not entitled 
to a preference over the prefent fyftem. 
I am, Sir, your moft obedient, 
A. FRIEND TO JUSTICE AND SURGERY. 
P, S. I have this moment read that the 
Divorce Bill has been thrown out of the Houfe 
of Commons. Iam forry forit. I think I 
could have recommended, in my plan, a trifling 
operation or two, which would have effe@tually 
prevented the increafe of Divorces. Subluta 
caufa, tollitur effettus. 
June 13, 1860, 
AX 2 Te 
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