1804. } 
To the Editor of the Monthly Magazine. 
SIR, 
LATELY received from Philadelphia 
the inclofed Paper, undoubtedly writ- 
ten by the late Dr. Franklin; and, I fup- 
pofe, during his laft refdence in France. 
Having never feen it in print, I conclude 
it may entertain many of your readers + 
An Z, 
———— 
DiaLocue betaveen the Gout and MR. 
FRANKLIN. 
Mr. Franklin —Eh! On! Eh! What 
have I done, to merit. thefe cruel fuffer- 
ings ! 
Gout.—Enough, enough ; you have ate, 
and drank too much, and over indulged 
thofe legs of yours in their indolence. 
Mr. Franklin.—Who is it that thus 
accufes ine? 
Gout —It is I, even I, the Gout. 
Mr. Franklia.—What! my enemy in 
perfon ? 
Gout.—No ! not your enemy. 
_ Mr. Franklia.—t\ repeat it; my enemy: 
for you would at once torment my body 
to death, and ruin my good reputation : 
you reproach me as a glutton and a tip- 
ler; now all the world that knows me 
will allow that I am neither one nor 
t other. 
Gout.—The world may think as it 
pleafes: it is always very complaifant to 
itfelf, and fometimes to its friends; but 
I know fuil well that the quantity of 
nourifhment proper for one who ules fuit- 
able exercife would be too much for ano- 
ther who ufes none. 
Mr. Franklin —I! take—Eh! eh,—as 
much exercile—-Eh !—-as I can, Madam 
Gout. You know my fedentary ftate; 
and, in regard to that, it would feem, 
Madam Gout, you might {pare mea little, 
dceing it is not altogether my fault. 
Gout.—Quite otherwife ; your rhetcric 
and your politene’s are thrown away ; your 
apology avails nothing. If your ftua- 
tion in life is a fedentary one, your 
amufements, your recreations at leat, 
fhould be ative. You ought to walk or 
ride; or, if the weather prevents that, play 
at billiards. Bur let us examine your 
courfe of life. While the mornings are 
long, and you have leizure to go abroad, 
what do youdo? Why, inltead of gain- 
Jog an appetite for breakfalt, by falutary 
exercife ; you amufe yourlelf with books, 
pamphlets, or gazettes, which commonly 
are not worih the reading. Yet youeata 
large breakfatt, four difhes of tea, enrich- 
ed with cream, and one or two buttered 
soaits, relifhed with flices of hung beef, 
MonTiury Mac. No, 119. 
Dialogue of Dr. Franklin. 
101 
which I fancy are not the moft digeftible 
things. Immediately, afterward you fit to 
writing at your bureau, or difcourfe with 
perfons who apply to you on bulnefs; 
thus the time paffes till one, without any 
kind of bodily exercife. But all this I 
could pardon, in regard as you fay to your 
fedentary condition. But what is your 
practice after dinner. Walking in the 
beautiful gardens of thofe friends, with 
whon you have dined, would be the choice 
of men of lenfe: yours is to be fixed down 
to a game of chefs, where they find you 
thus engaged for two or three hours ! 
This is your perpetual recreation, and 
the leaft eligible of any for a fedentary 
man, becaule, inftead of accelerating the 
motion of the fluids, the rigid attention it 
requires, helps to retard the circulation, 
and obftruct internal fecretions. Wrapt 
in the fpeculations of this wretched game, 
you deftroy your conftitution. What can 
be expected to refult from fuch a courfe 
of living, but a body replete with ftagnant 
humours, ready to fall a prey to all kinds 
of dangerous maladies, if [, the Gout, 
did not bring you relief by agitating thele 
humours, and fo purifying or diffipating 
them. If it was in fome nook or alley in 
Paris, deprived of walks, that you played 
a while at chefs, who would not excufe 
you? but the fame tafte prevails with you 
in Pafley, Auteuil, Montmartre or Sanoy : 
places furnifhed with the fineft gardens, 
and walks; and beautiful ladies, who there 
breathe a pure air, render the air ‘till more 
inviting by their moft agreeable and in- 
fiructive converfation; all which you 
might enjoy by frequenting the walks! 
But all are as certainly rejected for this 
abominable game of cheis. Fie, then, Mr. 
Franklin! But amidft my infiruétions, I 
had almoft forgot to beftow as wholefome 
corrections: fo take a twinge—twinge. 
Mr. Franklin.—Oh! En! Oh!—-CGhhht 
As much inftruétion as you pleafe, Madam 
Gout, and as many reproaches ; but pray, 
Madam! a truce with your corrections! 
Gout.—The very reverfe.—I will not 
abate a particle of what is fo much for 
your own good—for initance. 
Mr. Franklin.—Oh'! Enbh! Its not 
fair to fay I take no exercife, when I do 
very often; going out to dine, and returns 
ing in my carriage. 
Gout.—This cf all imaginable exercifes, 
is the moit flight and infignificant, it you 
allude to the motion of a carriage fufpend. 
ed on fprings. In obferving the desree 
of heat obtained by the different kinds of 
movements, one may form an eftimate of 
the quantity of exercife given by cach. 
r Thus 
\ 
