204 
coggeshall's  valedictory  address. 
lar,  or  perhaps  less  objectionable,  than  those  of  the  real  actors  and 
recipients  of  the  profits.  Names,  too,  of  all  countries  and  people 
are  appropriated  whenever  they  can  be  made  available.  "  The 
poor  Indian  "  and  the  self-inflated  Chinese  are  made  involuntary 
sponsors  for  things  as  little  known  to  them,  as  their  language  or 
methods  of  treating  disease  are  to  the  nostrum  makers,  from  whom 
they  receive  such  unexpected  distinction.  Frightful  maladies,  which 
are  providentially  of  rare  occurrence  except  in  these  advertise- 
ments, are  multiplied  to  suit  the  market,  detailed  with  revolting 
minuteness,  and  the  text  illustrated  with  literally  horrible  cuts. 
Certificates  of  cures  that  never  occurred  are  signed  by  persons  that 
cannot  be  found,  though  their  story  is  "  told  with  a  circumstance" 
of  street  and  number,  and  sworn  to  before  the  Mayor  or  some  other 
prominent  functionary,  before  whom,  by  the  way,  any  thing  may 
be  sworn,  as  he  never  reads  it,  because  it  matters  nothing  to  him, 
yet  the  appendage  of  his  name  helps  to  pluck  the  great  public 
goose.  In  many  cases,  medicines  in  common  use  are  dressed  in 
some  insignificant  disguise,  when  "  presto  !"  what  had  been  only 
simple  matter  of  fact,  becomes  astonishing,  and  worth  a  great  deal 
more  in  cash,  whereupon,  it  is  put  up  in  set  form  with  printed  en- 
velopes, showing  that  to  bring  this  great  discovery  to  the  point  of 
projection,  required  besides  a  vast  expenditure  of  money,  the  whole 
depth  of  knowledge,  all  the  skill  and,  through  many  years,  the 
self-sacrificing  devotion  of  the  wondrous  genius  that  has  finally 
brought  it  forth,  "  without  whose  signature  none  can  be  genuine," 
said  signature  being  engraved  or  stereotyped.  New  remedial 
agents,  discovered  or  developed  by  the  researches  of  the  best  minds 
engaged  in  medical  science,  are  at  once  seized  upon  by  quacks  as 
the  bases  of  names  for  new  nostrums,  they,  forsooth,  covering  with 
the  slime  of  their  "Cornpound"  the  most  brilliant  results  of  learn- 
ing, which  from  inception  to  promulgation  would  have  been  as 
far  beyond  the  reach  of  their  intellect  as  above  the  level  of  their 
morals.  With  parasite  meanness,  they  attach  themselves  to  the 
productions  of  men  whose  names  will  be  cherished  with  honor  and 
gratitude  when  the  whole  pack  of  charlatans  are 
';  Forgotten  as  fools,  or  remembered  as  worse. ;' 
As  the  wares  of  these  men  are  got  up  to  entice  customers,  every 
popular  prejudice  must  be  turned  to  account,  the  most  petted  be- 
ing one  that  really  exists  to  some  extent,  though  greatly  exag- 
