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Slee ONEESSIONS OF A NUTHATCH, AVOIDER 
(Here, for the benefit of all near-sighted birders 
trying to identify those confusing fall warblers, 
1s Ogden Nash’s old favorite. .. ) 
Bird watchers top my honors list. 
I aimed to be one, but I missed. 
Since I’m both myopic and astigmatic, 
My aim turned out to be erratic, 
And I, bespectacled and binocular, 
Exposed myself to comment jocular. 
We don’t need too much birdlore, do we, 
To tell a flamingo from a towhee; 
Yet I cannot, and never will, 
Unless the silly birds stand still. 
And there's no enlightenment in a tour 
Of ornithological literature. 
Is yon strange creature a common chickadee, 
Or a migrant alouette from Picardy? 
You rush to consult your Nature guide 
And inspect the gallery inside, 
But a bird in the open never looks 
Like its picture in the birdie books — 
Or if it once did, it has changed its plumage, 
And plunges you back into ignorant gloomage. 
That is why I sit here growing old by inches, 
Watching the clock instead of finches, 
And I sometimes visualize in my gin 
The Audubon that I audubin. 
— Reprinted from “Verses From 1929 On”’ 
copyright 1956 by Ogden Nash 
with permission of Little, Brown & Company 
