30 
WiT AND HUMOR. 
Sam—‘Mamma, did God make you ?” 
Mother—‘ Yes, dear.’ 
Sam—‘ And father, too ?” 
Mother—‘ Yes’ 
Sam—‘ And sister, too ?” 
Mother— Certainly.’ 
Sam— And me, too ?’ 
Mother—‘ Certainly, foolish.’ 
Sam—'He is improving right along, 
isn’t Her’ 
eee ere 
‘You are the light of my life,’ she said 
to him, as they tenderly and lingeringly 
bade good night at the door, 
‘Put out that light,’ growled her father 
at the head of the stairs, and the door 
slammed. 
u ara ears 
A Sunday-school teacher discovered, to 
her great horror, that some of the small 
-members of her class had taken as literal — 
truths the tales of ancient gods and god- . 
desses which they had read in a child’s 
mythology at school. 
She determined to destroy this belief by 
simple logic, and asked, ‘ Who was it that 
supported the world on his shoulders ?” 
‘Atlas, miss,’ a little girl promptly 
responded. 
«Yes. Now think, If he was supporting 
the world on his shoulders, of course he 
could not be standing on it. Now. what 
supported Atlas ?’ 
A ponderous silence prevailed for a 
minute, then the little girl spoke up, ‘Oh, 
I know! He married a rich wife !’ - 
x ex 
BT nak 
First Deafmute: ‘If you objected to his 
kissing you, why didn’t you call fer 
help.’ 
Second Deafmute: I couldn’t He was 
holding both my hands,’ 
Pos basemen 
KR Rk 
* Can’t you find any work at all?’ 
‘Plenty, sir; but everybody wants 
references from my last employer.’ 
‘Can’t you get them ?’ 
‘No, sir; he’s been dead twenty-eight 
years.’ 
* OK * 
oa * Paes * 
A man very much intoxicated was taken 
to the station. ‘Why did you not bail him 
him out?’ asked a bystander of a friend of 
his. 
‘Bail him out!’ exclaimed the other. 
‘Why you couldn’t pump him out.’ 
Paar rae 
‘I passed old Welby the other day—cnly 
just caught a glimpse of him. He seemed 
pretty run down I thought,’ 
‘What gave you that idea ? 
‘Well, they were pulling him out from 
under a motor-’bus as I passed,’ 
££ * kx 
Paar a ae 
‘Now,’ said the physician, you will have 
to eat plain food and not stay out Jate at 
night.” , : 
‘Yes.’ replied the patient, ‘that is what _ 
I have been thinking ever since you cent 
in your bill,’ 3 
’ like. 
THE AUSTRALIAN GARDENER. 
Sleepy Guest: Halloa! is it 7 o’clock? I 
declare Iam so sleepy that I can’t open 
my eyes. | 
Head Waiter (who has knocked at the 
door): I'll bring you your bill, sir, if you 
oe KF KK 
* * K * * 
‘Y’'m afraid we shall keep you rather 
busy next month, Hetty. My daughter’s 
coming out.’ 
' Housemaid—‘Is_ she 
Why, so is my father.’ 
* * FF 
eK KK HK 
Mrs, Paull—tDid you ever catch your 
husband flirting ?” 
Mrs. Holmes—‘That’s just the way I 
did catch him,’ 
really, ma’am. 
May 1, 1909 
Jones—‘ Yes, sir; that boy of mine is a 
wonderful piano player. ‘Why, he can 
play with Lis tog,’ , 
Brown—‘ How old is he 2” 
Jones— Fifteen.’ : a A 
Brown—‘ I’ve got a boy at home who: 
can play with his toes, and he is only one 
year old. 
HK EE 
‘Tell me, Johnny,’ said May Brightley’s 
admirer to her young brother, ‘who is this 
other fellow that has been calling on your 
sister? 
‘I don’t know his name,’ replied Johnny. 
‘I just call him ‘ April Showers,’’ 
‘What for?’ 
‘ Because he brings forth May flowers.’ 
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