3. 
30 
THE AUSTRALIAN GARDENER. 
WIT AND HUMOR. 
With heavy blows Dick drove a nail 
In almost to the head. 
That nail is like my grandpapa— 
It is infirm,’ he said. 
* KK KE 
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‘I started at the foot of the ladder,’ said 
the man, ‘I did not always have a 
carriage, When I first started in life I 
walked.’ 
‘Youre lucky,’ grinned the youth. 
‘ When I first started in life I couldn’t.’ 
** 
eae a ae 
The teacher was giving her pupils 
instruction in the elements of physiology, 
and among other things told them that 
whenever they moved an arm or a leg it 
was in response to a message from “the 
brain. ‘The brain always sends a message 
from your arm or your leg whenever you 
wish to move the particular member,’ she 
explained. 
At last a mischievous boy aroused her 
anger by his apparent inattention to the 
lesson. 
‘Hold out your hand!’ she exclaimed. 
The boy did not meve. 
‘Why don’t you hold out your hand 
said the teacher, 
‘I’m waiting for the message from my 
brain,’ said the lad. 
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Says Mr, EE. E., in ‘Scraps’: I attended 
a lecture the eile night entitled ‘ Freaks 
of Nature.’ At the close the professor 
asked, ‘Is there any one here who can give 
me an instance of one of Nature’s freaks ?’ 
* Yes, sir,’ said a young fellow in the 
audience. ‘It is one of the most marvel- 
lous freaks I ever heard of. The case is 
that of a black rag-sorter. His six children 
are black. There is nothing extraordinary 
about that, but the freak of the whole 
family is, his wife. Before she married 
this black she was a white. Now she is a 
black 
‘My gracious! cried the professor. 
‘What a wonderful thing! I must make a 
note of that family; it ought to be in a 
museum, and’—— 
‘Don’t make so much fuss, professor,’ 
said the young man. ‘It is quite a com- 
mon occurrence. In the first place, A. 
Black (Arthur Black) is not a black by 
nature, but by name only; naturally 
enough, his children would be Blacks 
also,’ 
‘But the wife, sir—the wife!’ 
‘Oh, she’s easily accounted for. When 
she was single she was A, White (Alice 
White); now she is married, of course she 
is A. Black.’ 
June 1, 1909 
Maud (pettishly)—‘ Oh, how I do wish I 
were a man. . I’d love nothing better than 
to be a soldier and fight for my country.’ 
Ethel—‘ No doubt you’d make a good 
one. You're well used to powder, you 
know.’ 
* eX * 
* xX Par ** 
‘Goodness! We'll miss the opera,’ she 
said, impatiently ; ‘we’ve been waiting a 
a good many minutes for that mother of 
mine,’ 
‘Hours, I should say,’ he replied, some- 
what acrimoniously. 
‘Ours?’ cried she, rapturously. ‘Oh, 
George, this isso sudden!’ Then she fell 
upon his neck, 
* KK OK KK 
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The sunday-school class was listening to 
a lesson on patience. The topic had been 
carefully explained, and, as an aid to the 
understanding, the teacher had given to 
each pupil a card bearing the picture of a 
boy fishing, 
‘Even pleasure,’ said she, ‘requires the 
exercise of patience. See the boy fishing. 
He must sit and wait. He must be 
patient. And now,’ she said, ‘can any 
bey tell me what we need most when we 
go fishing ?? 
The answer was shouted with one voice: 
‘Bait!’ 
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* KK OK OK OK 
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Little bits of salad, 
Little hunks of cake, 
Make a great comnjotion, 
And the stomach ache. 
ete ke 
er ar ae ~ 
Parke: ‘I have a joint account in the 
bank with my wife now.’ 
Lane:‘ Good! You make an even thing 
of it, eh?’ 
Parke: ‘Yes; I put the money in, and. 
she draws it out,’ 
* KOK OK 
ar ar ar ar 
‘You'd never rise in the world,’ said the 
yeast to the dough, ‘if I didn’t work for: 
you, 
‘True,’ was the reply. 
be a loafer but for you.’ 
* OK 
rarer ae 
‘Please, ma’am,’ said little Susan Grate- 
‘Neither would I 
_ bar to Mrs, Staybolt, at whose house she 
was staying to dinner, ‘will you give me & 
little more asparagustus ?’ 
‘Asparagustus, child ?’ said Mrs. stay- 
bolt.. ‘ Why. what can you mean ?’ 
‘Why, I suppose you call it aspara-gus, 
said Susan, ‘ but my papa doesn’t allow us 
to use any nicknames.’ 
Porter's Buildings, Pores: Sixeet 
(Opp. Craven & Armstrong’s). 
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