December 1 1909 
THE AUSTRALIAN GARDENER. 
a7 
WIT AND HUMOR. 
— A Real Grafter.— 
*He’s a professional grafter.’ 
“Who ?’ 
“The nurseryman.’ 
* *K * 
a aT 
— Two Extremes — 
* Have you ever met my sister, Louisa?’ 
“Yes. She’s rather stout, isn’t she?’ 
“I have another at home—Lena,’ 
+ & Ke KK 
* eK * 
— 'Tricky. — 
‘You know Fatty Schultz, the butcher ? 
What do you suppose he weighs ?’ 
‘I don’t know. What does he weigh?’ 
‘Meat’ 
Kk OK KR Ok 
x OK OK OK 
— Clever, — 
‘My sister had a fright yesterday. She 
had a black spider run vp her arm.’ 
‘That’s nothing, I had a _ sewing 
Machine run up the seam of my trousers.’ 
* OK OK OK 
kK Ok kk 
— The Reason Why. — 
Samso—‘ He is not rich and yet he 
Makes a great deal more money than he 
Spends,’ 
Rodd— How can that be?, 
Samso—‘ He works at the mint.’ 
* KOK OK 
xk OK OK 
— A Biblical Puzzle. — 
‘Who was the first one who came from 
the ark when it landed?’ } 
‘Noah,’ 
‘Don’t the good book tell us that Noah 
Came forth?’ So there must have been 
three ahead of him. 
* * KK 
* *%* & # R « 
— Three Feet One Yard. — 
A wae who thought to havea joke at 
he expense of an Irish provision dealer, 
Said: ‘Can you supply me with a yard of 
Dork?’ 
* Pat,’ said the dealer, to his assistant, 
“give this gentleman three pigs feet.’ 
* OK 
* OK Pare 
— Naturally. — 
“Do you believe in the power of the 
wUman eye with a wild beast?’ asked 
Gableigh. 
‘Yes’ said the professor; ‘the power of 
the eye is very useful—to see the wild 
beast; coming.’ 
— A Natural Mistake. — 
‘Let me see,’ said the minister, who was 
filling out the marriage certificate, and 
had forgotten the date, ‘ this is the fifth is 
it not!’ 
‘No, sir!’ said the bride with some indig- 
nation, ‘this is only my third!’ 
re ee 
— Quite True. — 
Diner: ‘Hello! waiter, where is that ox- 
tail soup?’ 
Waiter: ‘ Coming sir - hatf a minute.’ 
Diner: ‘Confound you! How slow youare.’ 
Waiter: Fault of the soup, sir. Oxtail 
is always behind.’ 
* KKK Ke 
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— An Insidious Catch. 
Jones: ‘Now. Bloggs, there is a notice 
over there which reads ‘'l’o be Let or Sold.’ 
Can you make it read ‘lo Be Sold’ by re- 
moving one letter?’ 
Bloggs : ‘No, Jones I am not clever.’ 
Jones: ‘It seems simple enough tc me. 
There is only one ‘Let or’ in the phrase. If 
you take it away we have ‘'l'’o Be Sold’ left. 
I find no difficulty whatever.’ 
Kk OK OK 
* Ok Ok OK K 
— Done at Last. — 
Jim: ‘ How many are twice one?’ 
John : ‘ Two,’ 
Jim (rapidly): ‘'I'wice 'l'wo?’ 
John; ‘ Four.’ 
Jim—‘ 'l'wice Four?’ 
John—‘ Hight.’ 
Jim (with terrific speed)—‘ How many 
pennies in a dozen. 
John (gasping) —‘T'welve.’ 
Jim (faster) —‘ How many halfpennies?” 
John—‘ Twenty-four.’ 
Jim (blandly)—‘ Oh, no, quite a mistake 
John. Twelve, John, Twelve,’ 
* * 
paar 
— Not so Oldas it Looks. — 
Smith—‘ At the bottom of a well, 30 ft. 
deep, is a rat which climbs five ft. in the 
daytime and loses four feet.in the night. 
How long would the rat take to reach the 
top?” 
Brown— So old, Smith; so very old. It 
climbs a foot a day for twenty-five days, 
and then on the twenty-sixth day it climbs 
the other five feet, and so it reaches the 
top in twenty-six days.’ 
Smith—‘ Ah, Brown, your rat might 
have done that, but mine was dreadfully 
unfortunate. It climbed five feet on the 
first day, but, alas, it lost its four feet in 
the night, and so it’s still at the bottom of 
that well. Poor little rat!’ 
— The Little Games they Play. — 
Youny Wife—“ What are you going to 
give your husband for a birthday present?” 
Old Matrou—‘* 4 hundred cigars.” 
Young Wife—‘And may I ask what. 
you paid for them?” 
Old Matron—‘ Oh, nothing ! For the last. 
few mouths I’ve taken one or two out of 
Henry’s box every day, He hasn’t noticed 
it, and he’ll be so pleased with my little 
present and the tine quality ot the cigars.” 
WE WANT YOU TO KNOW 
that We Keep a Good Supply of 
Books on the Farm & Garden 
by the Most Experienced Writers, 
As well as a good range of the best 
General Literature. 
Perfection Bibles, Text Cards, 
Autograph and Birthday 
Books, Stationery, &c., &c. 
Your Orders will receive Prompt 
Attention. 
Methodist Book 
110 KING WILLIAM ‘ST. 
> J AND 
CLOCK REPAIRS. 
Good Work at Moderate Charges, 
Watches Cleaned from 2s. 6d. 5 
A well-selected stock of Watches and 
Jewellery at fair play prices. 
G: W: O8X, 
1 Rundle Street, peshive tomer 
And at 146 Rundle Street, 
E. BLACKEBY, 
BOOT & SHOR MANUFACTURER, 
226 Rundle Street, Adelaide. 
Oe 
CUT SOLES A SPECIALITY 
