January 1, 1910 
THE AUSTRALIAN GARDENER. 
37 
WIT AND HUMOR. 
None but the brave forswear false hair. 
* * x 
a ne 
—Our Dramatic Note. — 
The lights in a theatre set the men a 
good example; they seldom go out between 
the acts. 
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— Full of Whisky. — 
‘What was the subject of yovr debate 
this evening ?” 
“ Whisky.” 
“‘ Was it well discussed 
“Yes, Most of the members were full 
of the subject.” 
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tar ar ar aes 
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— Sub Rosa. — 
She—“ She told me you told her that 
secret I told you not to tell her.” 
He—“The mean thing! I told her not to 
tell you I told her.” 
She —“I promised her I wou'dn’t tell 
you she told me, so don’t tell her I told 
you.” 
* 
a a a oe 
— True. — 
“This is our latest novelty,” said the 
manufacturer, proudly. ‘ Good work, isn’t 
it?” a 
“Not bad,” replied the visitor, “but you 
can’t hold a candle to the goods we make.” 
“Oh! are you in this line too?” 
“No. We make gunpowder.” 
oetate ere 
— Loading the Dice, — 
Young Wife: “ Dear, why are you eating 
80 much more of my cake than usual to- 
night? Is it nicer than it was last time ?” 
Young Husband: ‘‘[—my darling—I— 
well, to tell the truth, I bet Tobble five 
shillings that [ weighed more than he did, 
and we are going to settle it tonight.” 
o¢ & Ge & 
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— Where He Saw the Time. — 
The orator was waxing eloquent, and his 
delighted audience were hanging upon his 
. Words with eager anticipation. 
“V’ve seen the tima;” he said, “ when 
bread was ninepence a loaf, when sugar 
Was sixpence a pound, and when tea was 
four shillings a pound. Ye:, my friends, [ 
have seen the time when jam was an un- 
known luxury to the working-man’s table. 
Ay, and I’ve seen the time when——” 
“Ay,” broke in a voice from the back of 
the hall, “and I’ve seen the time when I’ye 
looked at the clcok !” 
—Shrewd Guide. — 
Guide: ‘This is a dogwood tree.’ 
Stranger: 
. Guide: By it’s bark,’ 
‘ How can you tell?’ 
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— Not Over Hasty, — 
Old Quiverfull: “And so you want -to 
take our daughter from us? You want to 
take her from us without a word of 
warning ?” 
Young Goslow: ,, Not at all, sir. If 
there is anything about her you want to 
warn me against, I’m willing to listen” 
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— Logical. — 
First Choir Boy: ‘“ Which is the more 
obedient, the church bell or the organ ?” 
Second Choir Boy: 
Which ?” 
First Choir Boy; “The bell because it 
when it’s tolled, but the organ says: “ I’ll 
be blowed first!” 
Second Choir Boy: * Thank you so 
much.” 
. * 
¥ye * #4” 
— Not a Miracle. — 
Edward: “ Have you ever seen a crow 
flying and a cat sitting on it’s tail 2?” 
Albert (patiently): “No, Edward. 
Another of your silly jokes I suppose,” 
Edward—“ Well, but if you look out of 
the window you may, very likely. see a 
crow flying, and yonder on the hearthrug 
behold the cat sitting on its tail.” 
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— Just So— 
First Chappie—“I wonder now, Bertie, 
how the donkey ever came to be used as 
the emblem of stupidity?” 
Second Chappie (with 4 yawn)— ‘Don’t 
know, I’m sure, deah boy; must have been 
before cur day.” 
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* * * xi 
— The Difference: — 
Henry—‘“ James. can you, an intelligent 
youth, tell me the difference between a 
gardener, 8 billiard-marker, a gentleman. 
and a verger ?” 
James— I cannot, Henry; all men are 
liars—is there any difference ?” 
Henry—‘ You shock me, Cértainly there - 
is a difference. A gardener minds hig peas 
a billiard-marker minds his cues, a gentle- 
man minds his p’s and q’s, and a verger 
minds his keys and pews,” 
“T don’t know. 
The Melbourne 
Tailoring Depot, 
No. 10 ARCADE, Adelaide. 
Absolutely the best in the States. 
Customers have a choice of over 2,000: 
patterns. 
New Goods now open for Spring and 
Summer wear. 
First-class fit and workmanship guar- 
anteed. 
NOTE THE ADDRESS, and profit 
by ordering your next suit from us. We 
post free to country customers patterns 
and self-measurement forms. 
Please mention this paper. 
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THE AUSTRALIAN 
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