36 
TC 
WIT AND HUMOR. 
Little girls believe in the man in the 
moon; big girls in the man in the honey- 
moon, 
* kL * * 
* * eK 
— Why, Oh, Why — 
‘Mamma, why should landladies object 
to children.’ 
Mother— I’m sure I don’t know, but go 
and see what baby is crying about, and 
tell Johnny to stop throwing things at 
people in the street, and make George and 
Kate stop fighting, and tell Dick if he 
doesn’t stop blowing that tin trumpet [’ll 
take it away from him.’ 
* KK OK 
* KK OK OK * 
— Just a Little Bill. — 
David Slopway—‘I shall bring you back 
these dark trousers to be reseated Mr. Snip. 
You know I sit good a good deal.’ 
Mr. Snip (tailor)—‘ All right and if 
you’l) bring the bill 1 sent you six months 
ago I will be glad to reseat that also. You 
know I’ve stood a good deal.’ 
OK KK 
rer * OK 
— Not to be Outdone. — 
Railway Guard—‘ You had better not 
smoke sir.’ 
Passenger—That’s what my friends say. 
Guard—‘ But you must not smoke sir.’ 
Passenger—‘ That’s what my doctor tells 
me. 
Guard (indignantly)—‘ But you shan’t 
smoke sir.’ 
Passenger—‘ Ah! that’s what my wife 
ays.’ 
are 
An Old Fowl. — 
Pedantic Old Gentleman—‘ I believe it is 
improper to speak disrespectfully of one’s 
elders ? 
Restaurant Waiter—‘ So I’ve heard, sir,’ 
Pedantic Old Gentleman— Then I wil} 
be silent concerning this fowl you have 
just brought me.’ 
* * 
tg 
— Lead Not Pushed. — 
Gaggs—‘ Winday says he pushes a pencil 
for aliving, but I think that isa foolish 
think for him to do’? 
Bagg—‘ Why ?” 
Gaggs—‘ Because a pencil should be 
lead,’ 
THE AUSTRALIAN GARDENER. 
March, 1910 
— Pure Mathematics. — 
Kit: the greater 
number, two elevens or two tens ?’ 
George, which is 
George: ‘'T'wo elevens, of course.’ 
Kit : ‘Why ? : 
George: ‘Two elevens are twenty-two, 
silly.’ 
Kit: ‘ Well, two tens are twenty, too.’ 
° Ak 
rar ar ara 
— A Happy Thought. — 
Customer—‘I wish I had as good a head 
as you have, I have tried everything to 
remedy my baldness, but with no good 
results.’ 
Watchmaker—‘ Have you ever tried 
rubbing your head with steel ?’ 
Customer — ‘Certainly not, ‘That’s 
ridiculous.’ 
Watchmaker—‘ Why ridiculous?  Isn’t 
it a fact that steel makes the hair spring ? 
* 
* x 
—A Query. — 
Alfred—* Why is Mr, Rockefeller’s 
money tainted in two ways, Albert?” 
Albert—“ Is it tainted?” 
Alfred —‘‘ Why certainly.” 
Albert—“ Well, I give it up. How is it 
tainted in two ways?” 
Alfred— Because, Albert, ’taint’ yours, 
and ’taint’ mine.” 
* KOK 
na a 
— The Source, — 
An Irish recruit in one of His Majesty’s 
riding schools had the misfortune to part 
company with his horse. 
According to custom, the sergeant rode 
up to him and demanded : 
‘“Did you receive any orders to dis: 
mount?” 
“T did, sorr. 
“Where from?” 
“From hindquarters, yer honor,” said 
Paddy with a grin. 
tbe 
— His Little Mistake. — 
They stood beneath the stars, silent as 
the heart-beats of the night, looking into 
the diamond-studded shirt-front of the 
sky. 
“Ts that Mars?” he whispered, as he 
slipped his arm round her taper waist, and 
gazed upon a glittering orb in the distant 
blue, 
“No, it isn’t,” she exclaimed jerking 
away ; ‘it’s mine; andif you think your 
hugging mother, I can tell you that you 
are very much mistaken.” 
The matter was amicably adjusted before 
anything serious resulted. 
* * & 
* * * * 
The Melbourne 
Tailoring Depot, 
No. 10 ARCADE, Adelaide. 
Absolutely the best in the States. 
Customers have a choice of over 2,000 
patterns. 
New Goods now open for Spring and 
Summer wear. 
First-class fit and workmanship guar- 
anteed. 
NOTE THE ADDRESS, and profit 
by ordering your next suit from us. We 
post free to country customers patterns 
and self-measurement forms. 
Please mention this paper. 
THE 
LONDON DiRECTORY 
(Published Annually) 
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World to communicate direct with 
English ; 
MANUFACTURERS & DEALERS 
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. EXPORT MERCHANTS 
with the goods they ship, and the Colonial 
and Foreign Markets they supply : 
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arranged under the Ports to which they 
sail, and indicating the approximate 
sailings ; 
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of leading Manufacturers, Merchants, 
etc., in the principal provincial towns and 
industrial centres of the United King- 
dom. 
A copy of the current edition will be 
forwarded, freight paid, on receipt of 
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Dealers seeking Agencies can adver- 
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The London Directory Co. Ld. 
25 Abehurch Lane, London, E.C. 
THE AUSTRALIAN 
BEE BULLETIN 
A Monthly Journal 
Devoted to Bee Keeping. 
n 
Edited and Published by E. TIPPER, 
West Maitland; Apiary, Willow ‘Tree, 
New South Wales. 
Circulated in all the Australian Colonies 
New Zealand, and Cape of Good Hope. 
Per Annum 5s., booked 6s 6d., in Aus- 
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