386 
THE AUSTRALIAN GARDENER 
April, 1910 
WiT AND HUMOR. 
— A Tailor‘s Lament. — 
*Man, said the tailor, ‘is. we read, made 
of dust, but I cannot see how thatis so. 
Dustiatways settles. Man rarely does.’ 
* Kk OK 
Paar ae a ae 
— Of Course Not. — 
A young lady went into a well known as- 
tablishment and said to the shop- ALS - 
‘Do you keep stationery ?”” 
“No, miss,” replied the shop-walker ; ‘If 
I did I should loose my job.” 
a 
KK Xe RH * 
— Unanswerable -— 
“Yes,” she said, in answer to something 
he: had said, “the old songs are very 
beautiful.” 
“Beautiful!? he exclaimed, enthusias- 
tically ; ‘beautiful hardly describes them, 
Vhey are—they are—well, compared with 
them, the songs of to- day are trash—the 
veriest trash.’ 
“J agree with you, yet the old songs 
sometimes contain sentiments that one 
cannot wholly approve.” 
“T think you are mistaken ” 
“F will give you an illustration. 
is John Howard Payne's ‘Home, Sweet 
Home,’ for instance. Yousurely do not 
agree with all the sentiments it contains ?” 
“Why not?” he asked warmly. “Why 
not?” : 
“Because,” she said, glancing at the 
elock, which was marking the hour of 
eleven, “because there is a line in that 
song which says, ‘Yhere.s no place like 
home.’ You do not believe that, do you 2” 
It was unanswerable. He coughed a 
hollow cough, arose, and went silently out 
into the night. 
There 
Kook * 
7 a x x x 
seid Long ‘Play. ~ 
The fireh act was. over, and the curtain 
had fallen amidst thunderous applause. , , 
Farmer Hayseed, who, at the urgent 
request of his wife, had journeyed all the 
way to “ Lunnon” to see what a theatre 
was like got up to leave the building. 
“Where are you going?” asked Mrs. Er 
“ Home,” replied the farmer. 
“Home,” exclaimed his wife. ‘ Aren’t 
you going to see the. finish of this fone 
play ?” 
“No,” said Mr. H. “It says on ‘ie 
programme that six months will elapse 
between the first and second acts. Now, 
if they think [’m going to sit here for half 
& year waiting for the second act, and tet 
my farm go to rack and ruin, they are 
very much mistaken. 
for me!” 
So poor 
enjoyment. 
Mrs. H. lost her evening’s 
oe 
ete * pe 
— ‘The Motive. — 
His Worship : 
vagrant ?” 
Prisoner: ‘* No, your Worship.” 
His Worship: “Did any motive bring 
you to this town ?” 
Prisoner : ‘* Yes, your Worship.” 
His Worship : * What?” 
Prisoner ; ** Locomotive.” 
His Worship: “'Ten days.” 
“You say you are not a& 
* Kk KK 
Ok KK OK OK 
-—— Unnecessary. — 
The young man, leading a dog by the 
string, lounged up to the ticket office of a 
railway station and inquired ; 
“Must I—aw-——take a ticket for a 
puppy ?” 
“No; yeu can travel as an ordinary 
Nas, ” was the reply. 
OK OK ok 
* oe KF # KK 
— Expert Information. — 
Johnnie (to new BELEN) - 
my grandma, are you?’ 
Grandma—‘ Yes, Johnnie. 
grandma on your father’s side. 
Johnnie—‘' Well, you’re on the wrong 
side, you'll: find that out.” 
““So you are 
Vm your 
* 
MESA 
— a 
Tillie—* How many feet are there in a 
yard, dear:?” 
May——‘‘ It depends whose yard it is, and 
how many people are in it.” 
Tillie—‘‘ Oh, capital, capital! Quite a 
wit, aren’t you, sister. And how many 
Christmases are there between nineteen-0- 
eight and nineteen-o-ten ?” 
May-———* '['wo, ‘Villie.” 
Tillie —“ No, darling ! If you Prilleta ks 
1908 from 19010 (nineteen-o-ten) you’ll 
find there are 17102 Christmases between 
them. 
Xk ok OK 
eK ok aK 
— Yantalising. —— 
James (to his sister, who is engaged)— 
“Ethel, I have a HESate quilp I would Aes 
to put before you,’ 
Ethel—‘ Something silly, T suppose ea 
James —‘** Can you make two words out . 
of the word emough which is not enough ?” 
Ethel—‘' IT knew it was something ‘silly. 
Wel), what’s the-answer ?”’ 
James (chuckling) —* One hug 
Ethel—“ Er-um-uh ? Ob, T see. 
very silly. - 
How 
No more theatres 
-tiss their. trade Cards! for £1, 
. Edited and Published by E. 
The Melbourne 
‘Tailoring Depot, 
No. 10 ARCADE, Adelaide. 
Absolutely the best in the States. 
Customers have a choice of over 2,000: 
patterns. 
New Goods now open for Spring and 
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First-class fit and workmanship guar- 
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and self-measure:mnent forms. 
Please mention this paper. 
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' THE AUSTRALIAN 
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TIPPER 
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