THE AUSTRALIAN GARDENER. 
July 1, 1909 
P — . Tee 
The special train had just come from’ 
ondon with all the available landscape 
gardeners who had not been retained by 
the L.C.C., and the millionaire was dis- 
cussing with them the plans for his: new 
1 grounds. 
‘On these aaDETyP he said, iguanas 
aside his tie because .it hid a diamond 
tud, ‘we’ll have five thousand weeping 
‘Have you any preference as to how they 
hall be arranged?’ asked the head gar- 
" dener. 
‘There is only one way in which to plant 
: weeping willows,’ said the merry BIBSGEE As 
‘and that is in tiers.’ 
Three gardeners fainted away, a chestnut 
ree burst into tears, and a little dog hid 
‘its head in a drain. 
* %* * 
Par Par x 
The blackbird’s eggs fell through. the 
oy’s fingers, and tried to make a custard 
‘on the ground. 
_ Hark! What sound was that, breaking 
‘the stillness of the gloaming? 
‘Percy, dear, you mustn’t’! 
‘Oh, Evelyn, just one!’ 
They were the voices of his sister and 
her sweetheart, and the little boy spent a 
pleasant half-hour watching them through 
WIT AND HUMOR. 
__ ‘It isn’t till a Miss gets married that we 
find out how much we have Mr.’ 
‘Yes, ee then we wonder if she also 
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Mrs. us.’ 
re hs 
Mamma: ‘Why, Johnny, what's the GIVE 
matter?’ 
Johnny: ‘M-my new shoes hurt my 
f-feet.’ 
Mamma: ‘No wonder, dear; you have 
them on the wrong feet,’ 
Johnny: ‘W-well, I c-can’t help it, I 
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-ain’t g-got no other f-feet! Boo-hoo-oo!’ 
* 
eee soph Ss 
‘Be mine, dearest; be mine! he 
whispered, as he knelt on the carpet at her 
feet. 
Then, as he remembered that this would 
bag his trousers, he sat down beside her 
instead, and took her hand in his, 
‘Oh, George,’ she answered, while his 
heart throbs sounded through his new silk 
vest. ‘Oh, George, I cannot, I cannot!’ 
‘You will think better of this!’ he 
snarled. ‘Heartless girl, you will regret 
your words! What stands in the path of 
our bliss?’ 
‘T cannot be yours, George,’ she said 
tearfully. ‘I cannot even be a sister to 
you; but I’m going to be a mother to you 
instead. You see, your father 
But George had vanished into the still- 
ness of the night. 
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the bushes. 
At supper that night the boy said fab- 
ruptly, ‘Evelyn, I heard you kiss Perey : in 
the garden.’ 
“What do you mean, you rude child?” 
asked the young lady indignantly. 
‘Oh, you can’t deny it! It was just like 
a cow pulling its hoof out of the mud.’ 
Who was it that kicked that boy’s shins 
under the table? 
* 
7 Ok 
‘Father,’ said the small edition of the 
gentleman addressed, ‘you said I. must 
always think before I ask you a question.’ 
- ‘I did, said father, wearily. 
‘Baby has no hair on its head,’ resumed 
the little boy, ‘but nurse says it will grow.’ 
‘It will,’ 
‘Sister dropped a match on her flannelette 
blouse, and burned off all the fluff.’ 
‘Just like your sister.’ 
‘The teacher told me not to clean my 
slate with the sleeve of my jacket, because 
it rubbed the nap off the cloth.’ 
‘What are these facts leading up’ to’? 
sighed the parent. 
‘Well, you see, dad, I’ve been thinking. 
Now I want to know whether you burned 
the hair off your head, or did you rub it off 
on your slate, or is it still to grow?’ : 
: Porter's Buildings, ‘ Pulteney Street 
(Opp. Craven & Armstrong’s). 
