WIT AND HUMOR. 
— Pat and the Electric Light. — 
An Irishman was asked by his friends 
how he liked London. 
“Shure,” said Pat, “I only had one 
objection. They left the candle burning 
all night in the bedroom in the hotel.” 
“Why didn’t you blow it out ?” 
“*T couldn’t, begorra; it was in a bottle.” 
* kK 
sa aad are 
— Not on the Menu, — 
My friend said, “ Some fried oysters,” 
I said, ** Fried oysters, too.” 
The waiter looked embarrassed, 
And said, “‘That’s something new. 
V’ll go out to the kitchen 
And do my best for you, 
But, if I’m not mistaken, 
We've no fried oyster stew.” 
* 
sad AE ay 
— Nasty. — 
Widow (tearfully): ‘John was such a 
hand to worry when things, didn’t go 
right. He simply wore himself out” dee 
it. Why, the very last day he lived he was 
fretting. because the price. of wood had 
gone up again.” 
Friend (eine to say emoniag -con- 
soling) : “It is too had—too bad, madam! 
But your husband is over all his troubles 
at last. He won’t have to Moray) ‘over the 
“price of wood where he is now.” 
7 
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: Pera a 
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eed 
THE AUSTRALIAN GARDENER. 
— A Faux Pas. — 
He thought he’d propose at his ease, 
So devotedly fell on his knees; 
But I think that he quenched her 
ove when he drenched her, 
For just then he happened to sneeze ! 
— Overheard at the Semaphore. — 
Kitty : “I see by the papers that a man 
was fined £5 for eating fruit in a train.” 
Olive : “My Goodness! I didn’t think 
eating fruit in a train was unlawful. Why 
I might have been fined myself, for when 
going up to Adelaide the other day I-—~’ 
Kitty: ‘‘Don’t get excited. This man 
was caught sucking the = GBte off an old 
ticket.” 
| * 
| 4%, * ee 
— He Got Off. — 
~An Irish recruit was once brought up for 
breaking into barracks—that is, getting 
_ over the wall instead of entering by the 
_ gate. 
| “But, Murphy,” said the officer, “though 
| you were late, you should have come in by 
the gate.” 
‘*Pjaise, yer honor,’ said Murphy, “I 
was afraid of waking the sentry.” 
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Goodly : ‘‘ What is grander than a man 
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Cynicus: *‘ One who will trust you.” 
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— Poor Smith. — 
“To-morrow,” sighed the simpJe maiden, 
‘Cis my birthday.” 
ft was a hint that young Smith knew 
would be expensive to understand. But 
the simpie maiden was heiress to 100,000 
dollars, was decidedly comely. and they 
were engaged. So he decided to plunge. 
“Any one could guess your age, so 
simple are your ways,’ he said, “and I'll 
show how I’l] guess it. ‘Tomorrow you will 
receive a bunch of crimson roses, and in 
that buuch there will be one rose, my pet, 
for every year that you have lived.” 
That night Smith wrote a note to his 
florist, ordering the immediate delivery of 
eighteen roses to his lady fair. 
The florist read the order, and said to 
his wife : ‘‘ Here’s young Smith wants. us 
t. send a bouquet of one and a half. dozen 
crimson roses to Park lane, W. He’s been 
a good customer lately. ‘Throw in an extra 
dozen for luck.” 
Smith’s presents were returned within 
the hour, and to this day he can’t imagine 
why the engagement was broken off. 
Hundreds 
(Opp. Craven & Armstrong’s). 
