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September 1, 1909 
— Caustic. — 
The train crawled along the provincial 
line and then stopped dead. 
‘Guard! shouted a jovial passenger, 
‘may I get out and pick some flowers?’ 
‘Afraid you won’t flad many about 
here,’ said the guard good humoredly. 
‘Oh, there’ll be heaps of time,’ replied 
the jovial one, ‘I’ve brought a packet of 
seeds!’ 
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— The Cat had Chickens. — 
I'he old housekeeper met the master at 
the door on his arrival home. 
‘If you please, Sir,’ she said, ‘the cat 
has had chickens.’ 
‘Nonsense, Mary,’ laughed he; ‘you 
mean kittens. Cats don’t have chick- 
ens.’ 
“Was them chickens or kittens you 
brought home last night?’ 
‘ Why they were chickens of course,’ he 
replied. , 
‘Just so, Sir. replied Mary, with a 
smile, ‘and the cat’s had ’em.’ 
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— A Bad Judge of Birds. — 
One day an Irishman was taking home a 
goose, but on the way called for a drink at 
a public-house, placing tre bird on a seat 
near by. When he was ready to go he was 
surprised to find that the bird had dis- 
appeared. On going outside he saw a man 
with it, and said, ‘ What have you got my 
yoose for ? : 
The cther chap replied that he took it 
or a lark. 
‘Took it for a lark, said Pat; ‘you 
wouldn’t be much of a judge at a bird 
show’ 
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— And then He Felt Ill.— 
The Chinaman could speak no English 
and the Englishman could speak no 
Chinese. Nevertheless the dinner went off 
agreeably. The two men sat facing one 
another in silence while a neat Chinese 
butler served them dish after dish of sur- 
passing delica ty. 
Thera was one dish especially tha‘ 
pleased the Englishman. It was a rich 
_ stew of onions. pork, mushrooms, and a 
dark tender, well flavored meat that seemed 
like duck. 
The Englishman ate heartily of this 
stew. Then he closed his eyes and lifted 
his hands and shook his head wita an air 
of ecstasy. After this pantomimic com- 
pliment to the dish, he said interroga- 
tively; 
“Quack, quack?’ 
‘ Bow-wow-wow!’ said the Chinaman. 
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