the loveliest of the months. 
It is a ragged Congressman 
Who stoppeth one of three. 
“Now by thy halidom,’’ he saith, 
“Wilt thou but look at me! 
**One day I wore a high silk hat, 
And costly tailored clothes; 
A diamond pin in my cravat, 
_ And silk imported hose. 
‘-The daughters of the White House 
then 
Were merely being wooed; 
On Sunday nights a few young men 
Would pleasantly intrude. 
“The night was made for serenades 
Beneath the silent stars. 
For sweet apostrophes to maids, 
The music of guitars. 
“We Congressmen, grown cold in 
love, 
Were blind to what it meant; 
We saw the smiling moon above 
With fatuous consent. 
‘“‘The dread significance of it 
Thy wit, no doubt, foretells. 
But listen, friends, a little bit, 
Thou’lt hear the wedding bells. 
“Por wedding gifts my pay has 
gone, 
My raiment and my all; 
For wedding gifts I live upon 
Such manna as may fall. 
‘‘RHor brooches and for loving cups 
My state is sad to view; 
Tonight, I think, the Congress sups 
At Hash House No. 2. 
“In shame do I harangue the 
throng, 
And prate upon my needs; 
But these assessments come along 
Just like a string of beads.”’ 
It is a ragged Congressman 
Who quitteth one of three. 
‘‘Now by my halidom,”’ he saith, 
‘‘No more of this for me!”’ 
April was called by the ancients 
This 
was because it typified both the 
beauty of Venus, for whom it was 
named, and her philosophy of the 
uses of beauty. Venus was the 
most beautiful creature who ever 
lived. She was the Lillian Russell 
of mythology. Everybody wanted 
NORTH SHORE BREEZE 
to marry her, and speculation as to 
her choice was as great as that with 
respect to Alice Roosevelt’s. She 
knoeked the wind out of everybody 
by marring Vulcan, who did a gen- 
eral vulcanizing and blacksmithing 
business, and was about the age of 
Secretary McAdoo. He was so ugly 
that people thronged to his shop to 
trade, just as we go to see Eddie 
Foy. It had been supposed that 
Venus would marry Apollo or some 
other ravishing male beauty, but she 
took Vulean and held the soldering 
iron in the shop for him when the 
automobile season was on. She ex- 
plained that she considered it the 
duty of every beautiful woman to 
marry an. ugly man, and asked how 
else the average of beauty was to be 
‘raised. Nobody could say, and from 
that day to this beautiful women 
have married ugly men. Thus we 
have in April the loveliness of Ven- 
us and. the thunderbolts of Vulcan, 
a combination which meant. more to 
the ancients than either of flowers 
of May or the charms of June. 
Sweet maiden of the long ago, 
How many men have olest thy wit, 
And when the gas was burning low 
Have rendered gratitude for it? 
And thou, old top, had it not been 
For your droll smile the ages 
through 
To give an old man heart to win, 
What would have happened Me- 
Adoo? 
At any rate, the cherry blooms 
will calmly burst upon the view, and 
rare and delicate perfumes will wan- 
der up the avenue. The blithe and 
supple-jointed calf will lightly 
tread the flowered mead, consti- 
tuents will telegraph their trusty 
Congressmen for seed, the whip- 
poorwill at dead of night will run 
the pleasant scale of spring, the tax 
assessor will delight in prying into 
everything, the playful mole will 
raise his crest in green embossing 
on the lawn, the master frog will 
wake from rest and wave his or- 
chestral baton, the sasafras will 
cleanse the blood and tune the 
plumbing up to plumb, the depth 
and texture of the mud will make 
the good roads movements hum, the 
sober-minded will revert to sacri- 
fices, hits and bunts, and the lady 
in the two-slit skirt will show us 
both her legs at once. 
The splendor of the Easter hat 
will match the beauty of the skies, 
and all good men will go to bat and 
do their best to swat the flies. The 
‘erowd around the soda fount will 
5 
thicken as the weather warms, the 
castle walk will take the count and 
perish in the devil’s arms, the rail- 
road folder will beguile the fisher- 
man with pleasant lies, the season 
will consent to smile on Panamas 
and summer ties, the farmer will 
sedately tool his autoplow around 
the field, the bobolink beside the 
pool will sing for summertime re- 
vealed, the moving van will rumble 
past with home strapped down up- 
on its back, the cow will show a 
lighter cast of red velour along the 
back, the lark will make Caruso 
sound lke someone sharpening a 
skate, the gentle rain will pat the 
ground and make the garden vege- 
tate, the young man’s faney will 
desery an angel straying from the 
skies, the spinster will begin to sigh 
and think of forming other ties, on 
Time’s eternal camping ground the 
Rio Grande will wind about, and 
the Mexicans will lay around and 
let the chickens fight it out. 
The puzzled Congress will debate 
The truth and ethics as to tolls. 
And angry words shall indicate 
The perturbation of our souls. 
The President shall lead the way 
For those who think we should 
reverse, 
The opposition will display 
Its manners to the universe, 
What Hay and Pauncefote thought 
was writ 
We'll each of us in turn construe, 
And if the Democrats don’t split 
They each get the hot-cross bun 
for true. 
The first day of April will be All 
Fools’ Day. Fools’ caps will be 
worn very low this year, and will 
rest upon the right ear with the 
raking effect of the new women’s 
hats. Ambassador Page will be big 
joker, and the Mexican navy will 
be little joker. There will be al- 
most no jokes at home this year. 
April 10 will be Good Friday, 
when it is confidently expected that 
President Huerta will be good and 
resign. Easter will come on the 
12th. The Easter styles are very 
becoming this year. Skirts are to 
have slits on each side, to keep the 
legs ventilated, and hats, which 
have been pressing the right ear 
down against the head and confin- 
ing hearing to the left side, are to 
have a give-hole in them through 
which the ear rendered useless by 
last year’s styles is to come out in 
an upright position. On the 18th 
the anniversary of the beginning of 
the American War of Independence 
will be celebrated by the suffra- 
