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Kl few Laughs to belp Digest the Thanksgiving Dinner 
A THANKSGIVING MENU 
(Planned by a small boy) 
First Course 
Mince Pie 
Second Course 
Pumpkin Pie Turkey 
Third Course 
Lemon Pie Turkey Cranberries 
Fourth Course 
Custard Pie Apple Pie Mince Pie 
Chocolate Cake Ice Cream 
Plum Pudding 
Desert 
Pie 
WORK ENOUGH FOR ALL 
Two Irishmen died. Pat went to 
Heaven while Mike went to the lower 
regions. After a day or two spent in 
their respective abodes Mike called Pat 
up over the ’phone and the following 
conversation took place: 
Mike: ‘‘Hello! Pat, how are you get- 
ting along up there and what are you 
doing?’’ 
Pat: ‘‘I’m shining stars. What are 
you doing?’’ 
Mike: ‘‘I’m_ shoveling coal. How 
many hours a day do you work?’’ 
Pat: ‘‘I work ten hours a day. 
long do you work?’’ 
Mike: ‘‘T only work eight hours a day 
but I have lots of help.’’ 
How 
Two Years Later 
Oh! for a safety pin that’s safe! 
It would make my life all joy. 
Oh for a food that will not give 
The cramps to my little boy! 
Oh for the boon once more of a night 
Of solid square repose! 
’Tis this only that I want 
Oh! give me an old-time doze . 
‘“Charity,’’ said Uncle Eben, ‘‘will 
kiver a multitude of sins and yit most 
of us doan seem ter hab much mo’ dan’! 
go roun’ foh our own pus’nal uses.’’ 
‘“Mandy, why on earth are you washin’ 
that dish in that fashion.’’ 
‘‘T dunno, mam, less’n hit’s cause 
eullud people is jest nachelly smahteh 
then white folks.’’ 
He Didn’t Pull the Peach 
A lady has a fine young peach tree 
which bore fruit last year for the first 
time—one solitary peach. She was very 
anxious to see just what the fruit looks 
like when it is ripe and since she feared 
that her little son would discover it be- 
fore it should be ready to pull she took 
him into the garden, showed it to him and 
said, ‘‘ Willie, do not pick that peach be- 
cause I am very anxious to have it ripen 
on the tree.’’ No doubt he would not 
have known about the fruit if his mother 
had not called his attention to it. He 
said ‘‘all right,’’ fully intending to leave 
it alone, but his curiosity had been 
aroused. One day he went into the gar- 
den to look at the peach. It was so 
tempting that he could not refrain from 
eating it. eH had promised his mother 
not to pull it but since the tree was very 
small he was able to reach it with his 
mouth while standing on tip toes. He 
ate the fruit from the stone leaving the 
latter clinging to the tree. In a few days 
his mother saw what had been done and 
of course reproved him. She said, ‘‘ Why 
son, didn’t I tell you not to pull the 
peach.’’? Looking innocently into her 
face he replied: ‘‘But mamma I didn’t 
pulleates 
The Call to the Ministry 
An elderly woman now living in the 
west, formerly a resident of Princeton, 
New Jersey, not long ago visited her rel- 
atives in that town. She was especially 
interested in the progress of a nephew 
who had entered the ministry. She had 
not seen him since his boyhood, and was, 
therefore anxious to attend service at his 
church. 
At dinner, subsequent to the Sunday 
sermons she heard delivered by her 
nephew, it was observed that the old wo- 
man was singularly reticent. 
Suddenly she broke her long silence 
by asking her nephew, ‘‘ William, why 
did you enter the ministry?’’ 
‘‘Why, aunt!’’ exclaimed the young 
divine. ‘‘What a question!’’ I entered 
the ministry because I was ecalled.’’ 
Just a suspicion of a smile came to the 
old woman’s face, as she responded, ‘‘ Are 
you sure, William, that it wasn’t some 
other noise you heard?’’ 
Question: What is worse than biting 
into an apple and finding a worm? 
Answer: Biting into an apple and find- 
ing half a worm. 
‘Aunty, did you marry an Indian?’’ 
said Freddy. 
‘“Why do you ask such silly questions, 
Freddy.’’ 
‘‘ Well, I saw some scalps on your dress- 
ing table,’’ 
A Shrewd Economist 
Patrick O’Hoolihan was the oracle of 
the little Irish village. He was the wisest 
of the wise and was looked up to by 
the other members of the community as 
a veritable encyclopedia. But especially 
did he pride himself upon his Scriptural 
learning. 
It was the custom in the village 
church Sunday mornings for all the in- 
habitants to attend, and Patrick, who 
never missed a Sunday, always occupied 
the front pew. 
One Sabbath, when the minister was 
reading the Bible, several dignitaries 
were present from another town, and in 
an endeavor to wax particularly eloquent 
the pastor became slightly confused and 
said, ‘‘And there were five thousand 
loaves nd three fishes to feed a multitude 
of seven.’’ And then to point his moral 
and adorn his tale he looked straight at 
the infallible Pat and said, ‘‘And sure, 
Pat, you couldn’t do that, now eould 
you?’’ 
‘‘Indade, I could,’’ said Pat, and the 
sermon continued. 
That night, however, when the preacher 
reached his home and thought over his 
morning sermon, it dawned on him that 
he had made a serious error concerning 
the loaves and the fisher. Accordingly 
the next Sunday he rose i nthe pulpit and 
said in explanation, ‘‘Brethren, last Sab- 
bath I made a mistake and said that 
there were five thousan dloaves and three 
fishes to feed the multitude of seven, but 
what I should have said was that there 
were seven loaves and three fishes to feed 
the multitude of five thousand.’’ And 
then he looked at Pat again and said, 
‘‘And now Pat, sure you could not do 
that, could you?’’ 
‘*Ah, yis, Oi could,’’ replied Pat. 
‘‘And how would you do it, Pat?’’ 
asked the minister. 
‘“Why,’’ said Pat, ‘‘Oi would give thim 
what was lift over from last Sunday.’’ 
An alumnus of a certain university was 
telling about the number of great men 
which his alma mater had turned out, 
when he was interrupted by a prominent 
man who had been somewhat wild in his 
younger days, ‘‘it ‘turned me out in my 
Sophomore year.’’ 
‘‘Dear teacher,’’ wrote a parent who 
evidently disapproved of corporal punish- 
ment, ‘‘don’t hit our Sammy. We never 
do it at home except in self-defense.’’ 
‘‘What are you crying for, my poor 
little girl?’’ said a man to a erying child. 
‘“Pa fell downstairs.’’ 
‘“‘Well, don’t ery, my dear. He’ll get 
better soon.’’ 
‘‘That isn’t it. Sister saw him fall— 
all the way. I never saw nuffin,’’ 
