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DO YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING NOW 
Humorous Stories 
A well-known lawyer is telling a good 
story about himself and his efforts to cor- 
rect the manners of his office boy. One 
morning not long ago, the young auto- 
crat blew into his office and tossing his 
cap at a hook, exclaimed: ‘‘Say, Mr. 
Blank, there’s a ball game at the park 
today and I’m going.’’ 
Now the attorney is not a hard- 
hearted man, and was willing the boy 
should go, but thought he would teach 
him a little lesson in good manners. 
‘*Jimmie,’’ he said, ‘‘that isn’t the 
way to ask a favor. Now you come over 
here and sit down and I’ll show you how 
to do it.’’ 
The boy took the office chair and his 
employer picked up his cap and stepped 
outside. He then opened the door softly 
and holding the cap in his hand said 
quietly to the small boy in the big chair: 
‘*Please, sir, there is a ball game at the 
park today; if you can spare me I would 
like to get away for the afternoon.’’ 
In a flash the boy responded: ‘‘Why 
certainly Jimmie, and here is fifty cents 
to pay your way in.’? 
Teacher: ‘‘You must not come to my 
school any more, Tommy, until your 
mother has recovered from the smallpox.’’ 
Tommy: ‘‘There ain’t a bit of danger. 
She ain’t going to give me the smallpox.’’ 
‘Why, how is that?’’ 
‘*She’s my _ step-mother; 
gives me anything.’’ 
she never 
A difference: A friend of mine, when 
told of the death of a well-known stock 
dealer, replied: ‘‘Why, he’s worse off 
than I am. I’m dead broke; but he’s a 
dead broker.’’ 
Paterfamilias (reading doctor’s bill): 
‘“Well, doctor, I have no objection to pay 
you for the medicine, but I will return 
the visits.’’ 
Why Did Jacob Cry? 
Jacob kissed Rachel and lifted up his 
voice and wept.—Scripture. 
It is our opinion Jacob wept because 
he hadn’t kissed Rachel before, and re- 
gretted the time he had lost. But if Ra- 
chel was a pretty girl and kept her face 
clean we can’t see that Jacob had much 
to cry about, anyhow. 
A well-known Dakota politician, re- 
cently experienced a change of heart and 
joined the church. A few days after, his 
pastor said to him in the course of a little 
talk: ‘‘I am very glad to see you are 
in earnest in this matter. Do you feel 
that you have been born again?’’ ‘‘Born 
again, eh? That’s something I never 
heard of, but if I am going to be born 
again I tell you what it is, I want to be 
born in New York so there’ll be some 
hope of getting an office in the territory.’’ 
A Connecticut woman has embroidered 
the words and music of ‘‘Home Sweet 
Home’’ on a linen sheet which is on the 
square-room bed. Her guests have not 
decided whether the hostess means to 
indicate that they must feel at home or 
had better go home.’’ 
A man in Jowa has patented a hen’s 
nest. By and by some man will patent 
the hen, and then we will have to pay 
for eggs, until a plain omelet will taste 
like a $10 bill. 
