(2 : 
eet Cee. a 
£7 FORECAST 
May 
Wake me early, mother darling, 
For I must go to war; 
I want to be in Mexico 
Where Wood and Funston are. 
I want to see those famous men 
Make little of their lives, 
And I want to be there, mother dear, 
When Roosevelt arrives. 
I want to feel the land tip up 
When he shall bound ashore, 
And watch the very mountains 
shake 
When he begins to roar. 
I want to see his men ride by 
With Bwana at their head, 
And hear the Mexicans exclaim, 
“Here comes that fellow Ted!’’ 
May gets its name from the Latin 
majores (the elders), just as we have 
June from the Latin juniores (the 
younger). The Roman people were 
divided into these two classifications 
by Romulus, the one being appoint- 
ed to maintain the republic by their 
counsels and the other by their 
arms. The elders decided when the 
flag had been insulted, and the jun- 
iors did the fighting. This system 
was in some respects similar to our 
own. When the Gauls refused to 
salute after arresting one of his 
boat crews, Caesar took the young 
men and attacked them by land and 
sea . He began by seizing the cus- 
toms houses, which was customary 
in war then as it is now. The situa- 
tion in Gaul at that time was about . 
what the situation was in Mexico 
when we began our war with Hu- 
erta. There were three armies in 
the field—the Aquitanians, who cor- 
responded to the Huertaristas; the 
Belgians, who were comparable to 
the Constitutionalists, and the Hel- 
vetians who resembled the Zapatis- 
tas. Caesar, who was a brilliant 
military strategist lke Gen. Leon- 
ard Wood, alternated between play- 
ing both ends against the middle 
and the middle and one end against 
the other end until he had the Gauls 
too exhaused to fight the Romans at 
all. It was thus he divided the 
country into three parts. 
Like shells from Funston’s trusty 
guns, 
NORTH SHORE BREEZE 
The buds will open with a boom, 
And showers tempered by the suns 
Will fill the orchards with per- 
fume. 
The army worm will dance around 
- And hurl defiance at the wheat, 
The flicker’s drumming will resound 
Across the meadowland and sweet. 
The warlike muley cow will take 
A potshot at the milking pail 
And the playful billygoat will make 
The calf salute him with his tail. 
There is no other spirit quite so 
catching as the thrill of war. It 
makes us all desire to fight, no mat- 
ter who or what we are.. The 
quaint peace advocate is wild to 
shoot somebody in the back, the 
married man subdued and mild, be- 
comes a raging maniac, the parson 
rushes from his flock and wants to 
seatter ball and shell, the quiet man 
along the block begins to fulminate 
and yell, the veteran who testifies 
that war is hell begins to danee, the 
women who have tender eyes, ap- 
peal for haversacks and pants, the 
meek and lowly of the earth intimi- 
date the bold and brave, and all 
that any man is worth is food and 
filling of the grave. 
To prate of peace is very well, 
and peace we think a goodly thing; 
but let the country ring the bell, and 
all of us are in the ring. We did 
not get this country here by meth- 
ods favored at The Hague, nor did 
our liberty appear on any invitation 
vague. We fought for all we have 
today, and each man of us was a 
bear; our liberty of blessed sway 
—we dragged her hither by the 
hair. We like A. Carnegie, all right, 
and think his motives good enough, 
but let somebody start a fight, and 
off with that amusing guff. <A na- 
tion lives and holds its own by 
knocking other countries out, and 
once its character is known they all 
take care what they’re about. We 
licked a few of them to show them 
sundry samples of our grit, and now 
we’re tanning Mexico, they’ll find 
we haven’t changed a bit. 
So far as known only one of the 
President’s daughters will be mar- 
ried in May, but there will be a few 
weddings outside of the White 
TIouse in quarters where affairs of 
state are not interfering with the 
course of true love. Dictator Hu- 
erta, who was cowardly enough to 
pick war with us at a time when Col. 
Roosevelt as down in the Brazilian 
jungle and couldn’t get at him, will 
have another bad month,  prob- 
ably his last. The Panama tolls dis- 
19 
pute which was put aside for a few 
days while the Senate could talk 
about something that more people 
agreed upon, will be revived about 
the ninth, when the moon will be 
full and there will be a little 
light on almost , everything. The 
first 20 days of May will be under 
the influence of Taurus the Bull, the 
second sign of the zodiac. People 
born under this sign .believe in tak- 
ing the bull by the horns, and would 
have intervened in Mexico a long 
time ago. After the twentieth the 
month will be under the influence 
of Gemini the Twins, the third sign 
of the zodiac. People born under this 
sign are a little timid, and would 
rather have Villa fight with us if he 
could see his way clear to making 
any use of our army. and navy. 
There will be no astronomical phe- 
nomena during the month, all hope 
of getting rid of Huerta in that way 
having been abandoned. 
At any rate, the garden plot 
Will shell the liver with its sass, 
And all our ills shall be forgot 
In brussels sprouts and sassafras. 
The cautious navy bean will hold 
The inner channels free from 
germs, 
The watehful beet will break the 
mold 
And bring the appetite to terms; 
The green cucumber will essay 
To take the palate with a rush, 
And on a glad and coming day 
The waiter will remove the mush. 
Then June’s blue skies will stretch 
above, 
The which we’ll welcome gladly, 
And men and maids will swear to 
love 
Each other long and madly. 
Pleasing Habits. 
A Seottish farmer of a miserey dis- 
position bought a horse at a fair. 
On the way home he thought a 
drink of water would refresh it, 
so he got a pail of water; but the 
animal would not take it. When 
he got home he offered to feed it 
corn; but to his surprise it would 
not touch that either. ‘‘Weel,’’ he 
muttered to himself, ‘‘if only I was 
sure ye were a guid worker, ye’re 
the verra horse for me.’’—Pittsburg 
Chronicle-Telegraph. ; 
Horrible Example. 
Cholly—When. I was a boy, you 
know, the doctor said if I didn’t 
stop smoking cirarettes I would be- 
come feeble-minded. 
Miss Keen—Well, why didn’t you 
stop ?—Boston Transcript. 
