September  10,  1903.  JOURNAL  OF  HORTICULTURE  AND  COTTAGE  GARDENER. 
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.your  pace  by  ’er  own,  and  makes  allowances,  and  th’  only 
time  w’en  she  wants  a  bit  o’  workin’  is  in  th’  summer  time, 
when  th’  jam  makin’  is  in  full  swing  ;  and  I  put  all  that 
down  to  th’  heat  and  sweat. 
I’m  alius  a  bit  suspishous  about  a  cook  as  is  extra 
haffable,  for  you  may  depend  she’s  got  summat  in  view. 
We  had  a  head  gardener  once  who  wos  a  bacheler,  and  in 
th’  kitchen  at  the  same  time  there  wos  a  cook  as  wanted  a 
’ome.  Lor,  the  messages  that  woman  used  to  send  out  by 
me,  summat  like  this  :  “  Complements  to  Mister  S - ,  and 
many  thanks  for  th’  Mushrooms  he  sent  in  this  mornin’, 
which  wos  lovely.”  I  didn’t  see  through  it  for  a  bit,  but  I 
got  suspishous  when  she  took  ta  runnin’  up  th’  garden  her¬ 
self  for  little  sprigs  of  Parsley,  and  in  the  end  she  got  her 
’’ome  in  th’  gardener’s  cottage. 
^  There’s  nothin’  on  earth  so  changeable  as  cooks,  and 
w’en  they  don’t  stop  in  a  place  more  than  three  months 
they  causes  no  end  o’  trouble.  Fust  there  comes  one  as 
wants  all  big  vegetables,  big  Onions,  big  Taturs,  and  so  oh, 
and  I  does  my  best  to  pleese  her.  Well,  she  leaves,  and 
there  comes  another  who  wants  little  vegetables ;  and  arter 
I’ve  bin  to  no  end  o’  trouble  in  growin’  a  2lb  Onion,  I  find 
it  in  th’  pig  tub,  arter  it’s  bin  kicked  all  over  th’  kitchen 
and  done  one  little  jeniey  in  th’  direction  o’  my  head.  It’s 
very  ’ard,  this  sort  o’  thing  is,  but  it’s  only  one  o’  th’ 
troubles  that  falls  to  the  lot  of  a  man  who  follows  the 
honored  perfession  of  a  kitchen  server.  Once  we 
had  a  cook  as  wor  a  mark  on  Spinach  ;  aud  after 
we’d  planted  about  half  th’  garden  with  it,  she 
left,  and  another  came  as  wouldn’t  look  at 
Spinach.  So  it  went  to  th’  pigs,  and  in  due 
coarse  th’  ’ousehold  had  some  Spinach  fed  bacon. 
So  yer  go  on,  one  cook  wantin’  one  thing,  and 
another  wantin’  summat  else.  It  don’t  seem  to 
matter  much  wot  th’  missus  wants,  for  th’  cook 
gets  her  own  way  in  th’  end,  arid  if  th’  head 
gardener  wants  any  peece  o’  mind  th’  best  thing 
he  can  do  is  to  humour  her. 
Mind  you,  I’ve  no  intenshon  o’  bein’  ’ard  on 
cooks  in  general,  cos  I’ve  served  some  good  ’uns  ; 
and  bein’  a  man  o’  some  corporation  myself,  it’s 
whispered  in  th’  pottin’  shed  that  th’  distance 
round  my  waist  is  due  in  a  meshure  to  the  little 
odds  and  ends  wot  ’as  bin  dropped  inter  my 
empty  vegetable  baskets  from  time  to  time  ;  but, 
as  Kiplin’  ’ud  say,  that’s  another  story. 
The  refashions  between  cooks  and  head  gar¬ 
deners  is  very  strange.  When  the  latter  is  out 
among  his  friends  he  talks  about  what  th’  master 
likes  and  wot  th’  missus  is  pleesed  with,  and  he 
leaves  th’  cook  out  o’  th’  question  ;  but  when  he’s 
at  ’ome  he’s  continually  botherin’  me  about  takin’ 
in  just  wot  she  wants,  and  is  partikally  anxious 
w’en  I  go  in  fer  orders  in  th’  mornin’  to  know  the 
state  o’  the  old  woman’s  temper,  though  he  never 
appears  to  trouble  much  about  her  ’ealth. 
Still,  it’s  a  sublime  thing  to  see  a  cook  and  a 
gardener  on  friendly,  not  to  say  lovable  terms 
vvi’  each  other.  It  gives  you  a  soort  of  a  insight 
inter  that  glorious  time  as  is  promised  us  when 
th’  lion  and  th’  lamb  will  lie  down  together,  and 
th’  soard  will  be  tiumed  inter  a  reapin’  hook 
‘(though  I  don’t  see  wot  good  it  ull  be,  considerin’ 
as  reapin’  macheens  is  all  the  go  now).  I  say  that 
any  gardener  as  can  live  for  a  year  in  a  place 
wi’out  once  offendin’  the  cook  ought  to  be  moved 
from  his  spheer  and  be  put  inter  th’  Cabinet,  for 
his  deplomasy  is  lost  in  a  garden,  and  ort  to  be 
employed  in  th’  welfare  of  his  country.  With  a 
fat  cook  to  deal  with  such  a  thing  is  possible, 
but  not  probable  ;  but  wi’  a  thin  cook  or  a  widder 
such  a  state  of  affairs  is  too  much  to  expect. 
Wo  be  also  to  the  poor  kitchen  serving  man 
when  cook  and  gardener  are  at  daggers  drawn. 
His  lot  is  wus  than  that  of  a  felon,  ’cos  th’  gar¬ 
dener  blames  ’im  w’en  th’  cook  grumbles,  and  th’ 
cook  says  things  to  ’im  about  th’  gardener  which 
he  dursn’t  repeet,  afeerd  o’  losin’  his  place  ;  so 
he  is  like  Mr.  Pickwick,  a  soort  of  a  shuttlecock  ; 
but  instead  o’  t\vo  lawyers  bein’  the  battledoors, 
they  are  a  cook  and  a  gardener.  I’ve  bin  so  hai*d 
pushed  at  times  in  this  respect  that  I’ve  sighed 
for  sum  geenus  to  invent  a  hortomatik  cook  as 
you  could  wind  up  in  a  moruiu’  aud  leeve  her  to  run  on  silently 
till  night ;  but  she  ain’t  fortlicomiii’  yet. 
I’ve  only  one  more  word  to  add,  Mr.  Editer  (so  keep 
your  blue  pencil  in  yer  pocket),  which  is  this.  They  tell 
me  as  th’  lady  gardener  is  cornin’  along,  arid  it’s  only  a 
question  o’  time  when  all  th’  establishments  in  th’  country 
will  be  kontrolled  by  female  head  gardeners.  It’s  also 
said  that  th’  cooks  o’  th’  future  will  not  be  ordinary  cooks, 
but  lady  cooks  ;  and  though  I’m  ’opin’  as  this  state  of  affairs 
won’t  be  real  till  I’ve  ’anded  in  my  checks,  if  it  does  cum 
about  in  my  time  I  shall  retire  from  my  present  sitiwation, 
and  vote  for  female  kitchen  garden  men  (that  sounds  Irish, 
but  you  know  wot  I  mean)  and  lady  kitchen  servers. 
Narcissus,  Sulphur  Phienix. — Either  in  grass,  in  borders, 
or  in  pots,  the  double  Daffodils  are  seen  to  great  advantage ; 
and  Sulphur  Phoenix,  otherwise  “  C'odlins-and-Cream  ”  (N. 
incoinparabilis  plenus  v^ar.)  is  one  of  the  best.  Messrs.  Webb’s 
block  shows  its  effect  used  in  a  vase. 
A  Spray  op  Double  Tulips.— The  Tulips  are  amongst  the 
flowers  that  seem  lovelier  in  the  double  than  the  single  state, 
others  being  the  Chrysanthemum,  the  Carnation,  and  the  Rose. 
But  double  Tulips  are  far  too  little  enjoyed,  while  singles  ai'e 
found  everywhere.  They  like  a  warm  border  and  porous  soil. 
The  illustration  from  Messrs.  Sutton  will  serve  to  emphasise 
our  note. 
Narcissus,  Sulphur  Phoenix. 
